In an explosive and far-reaching interview with CNN on Monday, Secretary of State Hillary Clinton took “full responsibility” for everything bad that has happened in the history of the world.

It was me.  I take full responsibility.  I am the head of state.  I mean the Secretary of State.  This happened on my watch.  I am responsible.  Look no further than me.  Right here.  Look at  me.  Pay no attention to the President behind the curtain.

Original sin?  I gave Adam the fruit.  “Don’t worry I said.  I’ll take responsibility.”  The sack of Troy?  Happened on my watch.  I’m sorry. The Fall of Rome?  Me again. Raping virgins during the sack of Rome?  I must admit I got a little pleasure out of that one.  But I digress.

The assassination of Abraham Lincoln?  I’m the Secretary of State.  I was responsible for security at Ford’s Theater.

The Titanic?  In the fog of the North Atlantic I did not take seriously requests for more security from the Iceberg threat. 

The Beatles firing Pete Best?  I’m afraid I was the one who directed Pete to play like he did on the “Love Me Do” demo.  I accept full responsibility.

The Great Depression? Well actually that wasn’t my fault.  That was the Federal Reserve’s baby. 

But everything else?  I take full responsibility.

Despite Secretary Clinton’s stunning and noble admission of responsibility, the anti-tax, anti-big government, racist conservative element in America has cynically derided it as nothing more than an attempt to give political cover to President Obama.

Said one conservative blogger:

Oh come on.  Pete Best sucked.  The Beatles would have fired him anyway.  Hillary cannot take the blame for that.  The next thing you know she’ll be accepting responsibility for Olivia Wilde refusing the blogger know as Manhattan Infidel.   That’s his fault, not Hillary’s.  When will he ever learn that women do not find it sexy when you send them photos of your penis?

Secretary Clinton continues, in the face of irrational conservative opposition, to bravely accept responsibility for everything.

During a Monday afternoon press conference in Detroit, Yankee Manager Joe Girardi was discussing the Yankee’s offensive woes when he was interrupted by Clinton.

I’m sorry Joe but it’s my fault.  I was the one who told Curtis Granderson to swing at everything, even if it was in the next county.  I accept full responsibility for Robinson Cano walking around like a deer caught in headlights.  It was me and me alone.  This offensive drought happened under my watch.

A spokesman for President Obama said that he could not be bothered to comment on Clinton’s statements as he was busy prepping for his second debate with Republican challenge Mitt Romney, and even more importantly, an appearance on The View.

A spokesman for Pete Best said that Mr. Best appreciates Secretary Clinton taking responsibility for his firing and if he had only know this earlier he wouldn’t have “put that pot in Paul’s suitcase during his tour of Japan.”

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