An Exclusive Look at Obama’s Debate Notepad

 Heinz 57 sauce.  Love that stuff!

Those who watched last night’s debate between President Obama and Republican Challenger Mitt Romney may have noticed both candidates frequently writing notes on a slip of paper.  You may have wondered, “What are they writing?”

After the debate was over I was lucky enough to slip past security (apparently more security was requested but turned down) and take Obama’s debate notepad.

Now many may be saying that I have no right to publish it.  But like the Pentagon Papers, this notepad  is simply too important to not see the light of day.  I now present President Obama’s debate notepad in all its entirety,

Start out by apologizing for wearing Karate work out clothes.  (This will show the country how manly I am.)

Important:  Do not look down!  Do not look down.  Look directly at teleprompter.  (God I hope they have a teleprompter!)

These debates are beneath a man of  my dignity and intelligence.  Sigh.  This Republican form of government isn’t for educated people.

I hope Savannah Guthrie’s here.  She’s hot.  Important:  Must remember to erase last comment before Michelle sees it.

I AM the foreign policy President!  I was born in Kenya, after all.  Note:  Erase that last comment before some tea bagger sees it.

Where the hell are Whoopie and Joy Behar?

There are 57 states.  There are 57 states.  57.  57.  Heinz 57 (love that stuff.)  57 shades of grey?  

Where the hell are Beyonce and Jay Z?

Must mention eliminating first amendment.  It offends Muslims.  God I’m smart.

I wonder what Michelle is buying right now?  Talk about a budget deficit. Note to self:  Erase that last comment before Michelle sees it.  When she gets angry I’m scared.

Where the hell is George Clooney?

We have to make sure the wealthy do more.  Except my donors of course.

Government doesn’t create jobs?  Just look at all the federal regulators working for my administration.

We are a nation of immigrants…….who vote Democratic in exchange for handouts.

I was raised by a single mom.  Except when my typical white grandparents raised me.

Remember:  No matter how badly Romney tries to rattle me I am clean and articulate.

Romney has nice hair.  I usually only go for Pakistani men but that white boy is tempting.  Mmm. Mmm.  Delicious vanilla!

Where the hell is will i. am?

I like this job. The perks are great.  Better not screw up.  My name is Barack Obama.  I own a mansion and a yacht.

Nobody likes me.  Thank god the moderator likes me. 

People can be so cruel  How can people be so cruel?  How can people be so heartless?  Easy to be hard.  Easy to be cold.  And especially people who care about strangers.  Who care about evil and social injustice  – I love that song.  Too many typical white people in the movie though.

Where the hell is Barbara Streisand?

Libya Libya Libya!  Who gives a damn about Libya!

Where the hell is Fergie?

Phew.  Debate almost over.  I have to fly out to Vegas for another fundraiser.

Note to self:  Remember to talk about fat cats and one percent at Vegas fundraiser.

$40,000 a plate should raise lots of money for commercials.

Finally!  Debate’s over.  Shake Romney’s hand.  Use a firm grip.  Like Michelle’s.

And there you have it readers.  Let the FBI arrest me.  This document must be made public!



3 Responses

  1. And not a single note about Romney nearly bitch slapping him for talking about Romney’s investments in China and his Cayman Island accouts? Amazing!

  2. Manhattan Infidel says:

    Jim: Next debate. Next debate.

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