While many are lamenting Samuel L. Jackson’s pro-Obama political ad what many do not understand is that it was originally much worse.

“It’s true” said Alexander Soros, 25-year old son of George Soros, who funded the ad.  “We went through a lot of changes.  The ad is quite watered-down when compared to what we had originally planned.  But we were afraid that the tea-baggers would use it to injure Sam’s career.”

And so for the benefit of my readers, for the benefit of mankind, for the benefit of the universe, I now give you Samuel L. Jackson’s Pro-Obama ad:  The Director’s Cut.

Jackson:  English, motherf*cker, do you speak it?

Undecided voter:   Yes, yes!

Jackson:   Describe what Mitt Romney looks like.

Undecided voter:   What?

Jackson:  Say what again.  I dare you.  I double dare you motherf*cker.  Say what one more goddamn time!  Looks like I caught you at breakfast.  Sorry about that. Whatcha havin?

Undecided voter:  Hamburgers.

Jackson:  Hamburgers.  The cornerstone of any nutritious breakfast.  You know if Romney is elected President he will outlaw motherf*cking hamburgers.  But I digress.  Where’d you get the burgers? McDonald’s?  Wendy’s?  Jack in the Box?  Where?

Undecided voter:  Big Kahuna burger.

Jackson:  Big Kahuna burger.  That’s the Hawaiian burger joint.  You know Barack Obama’s from Hawaii.  So you must be voting for Obama.

Undecided voter:  I haven’t decided yet.

Jackson:  You haven’t decided yet?  Didn’t I just finish telling you motherf*cker that Romney would outlaw motherf*cking burgers?  So how can you be undecided?

Undecided voter:  I….I don’t know.

Jackson:  You don’t know motherf*cker?  Do you know what they call President Obama in France?

Undecided voter:  No.

Jackson:  A Royale Black Muslim with cheese.  Do you know why the French call him that

Undecided voter:  No.

Jackson:  Because the French are smart.  Not like racist teabagging Americans.  The French call him the King Black Muslim with cheese because they are smarter than us.  They like Obama.  They’d vote for him.  So why aren’t you motherf*cker?

Undecided voter:  Well the issues – 

Jackson:  Check out the big brain on this motherf*cker.  Well there’s no excuse for not voting for the Royale Black Muslim with cheese.  Because if you don’t vote for the Royale Black Muslim with cheese you’re racist.  And you know what I do to motherf*cking racists?  

Undecided voter:  No?

Jackson: I shoot them, motherf*cker.  That’s what I do.  [Jackson shoots the undecided voter in the kneecaps.]

Undecided voter:  Oh god that hurts.

Jackson:  Well, motherf*cker.  Are you still undecided?

Undecided voter:  No.

Jackson:  So what are you going to do?

Undecided voter:  I’m going to vote for the Royale Black Muslim with cheese.

Jackson:  Smart mothef*cker.  Smart motherf*cker.  Oh, and you haven’t seen any snakes around here have you?  Because I’m sick of these motherf*cking snakes in this motherf*cking political ad!

And there you have it.  I personally prefer this version. I think it’s more “on message.”  But Soros and Jackson were right to be afraid of the teabaggers.

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