From the Manhattan Infidel Future Archives: January 20, 2013. Obama Gives his Second Inaugural Address

 You do what the government says!

Editor’s note:  The months leading up to President Obama’s second inaugural address were fraught with tension.  Twenty five states seceded from the Union.  Ten more were on the verge of secession or had declared federal laws “null and void.”  It was in this context that the Great Leader amidst unprecedented security to protect him from unhinged and racist teabaggers took the oath of office.

My fellow Americans. In a custom as old as the Government itself I appear before you briefly to address you and take the oath prescribed by the Constitution.  A document, I remind you that is old and unfit for the needs of the times.  A document, I remind you, that was written by racist slaveholders.  A document, I remind you, that contains no positive rights.  A document, I remind you, that instead is a negative recitation of what the Government cannot do.

I do not consider it necessary at the present time to discuss those matters of administration about which there is no special anxiety or excitement. 

I shall take care, as the Constitution expressly enjoins upon me, that the laws of the Federal Government, excepting immigration laws which are racist, be faithfully executed in all the States.

In doing this there will be bloodshed and violence and the National Authority, as represented by me, will force compliance to Federal laws.  Excepting, as previously stated, racist immigration laws.

For my fellow citizens, I call upon Latinos and all Democrats to punish the other, who is their enemy.

Email and internet service will continue to be furnished in all parts of the Union. For now.  But let me give this warning:  Do not use your so-called freedoms to further disobey your Government.

Plainly the central idea of secession is the essence of anarchy and disobedience to the will of the Government.  A majority, held in restraint by the  policing powers of the Federal government, is the  only true sovereign of a free people.

Let’s talk about my healthcare reform.

I do not forget the position assumed by some that Constitutional questions are to be decided by the Supreme Court.  Well, they have. Under the taxing and penalty powers of the Constitution healthcare reform is legal.  And I intend to enlarge the taxing and penalty powers of this government to enforce its will.

One section of our Country believes that Federalism is right and that the powers not delegated to the United States by the Constitution, nor prohibited by it to the States, are reserved to the States respectively, or to the people.

Now let me tell you something.  I taught Constitutional law.  I am a constitutional scholar.  And the tenth amendment is wrong.  It is used, it has always been used, as an excuse to disobey the Federal Government.

The Chief Magistrate, who is myself, derives all his authority from the Federal Government. I am placed here to rule wisely over my people.

You say you have natural rights.  You didn’t create your rights.  Somebody along the line gave you your rights.  The point is that when we have rights these rights succeed because we do things together.

In your hands, my dissatisfied teabaggers, is the momentous issue of civil war.  The Government will assail you. You yourselves are the aggressors. 

I am loathe to close.  Though passion may have strained it must not break our bonds of the Federal Government.  The mystic chords of the dreams of my father, stretching  from every battlefield in Kenya, will yet swell the chorus of the Federal Government, when again touched, as surely they will be, by the better angels of the Democratic Party.

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6 Comments

6 Responses

  1. Matt says:

    It seems that he’s continuing to refer to himself in most every sentence.

  2. MI, when did you get into telling horror stories? Look out Steven King!
    Please tell me this story is fiction. Please!

  3. The Constitution is like, what. over 100 years old or something.

    That’s like totally old and stuff.

  4. innominatus says:

    And then the athletic chick runs in and throws a hammer through the screen, I hope.

  5. Manhattan Infidel says:

    Matt: There is no “I” in Obama. No wait……..

    Jim: Be afraid. Be very afraid.

    Shamus: Like…totally……

    Inn: The war with Eurabia is going great!

  6. Well! Hello! I’m so glad to find you! I have read two entries so far, and enjoy them both! Great sense of humor … and timing! I look forward to reading more …

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