How to Safely Observe Obama

The Kingdom of redistribution is at hand!

It is a presidential election year in America where the candidates for the Democratic and Republican parties fan out across our great country giving speeches to the public.  But with the speeches comes a disturbing phenomenon.

All throughout 2008 there were reports of a rapturous populous collapsing during Obama’s speeches.  And with the recent fainting of 20 at an Obama speech in Roanoke, Virginia it seems history is repeating itself in 2012.

Concerned for the well-being of Americans and not wishing anyone to be inconvenienced at an Obama campaign event I have devised the following fool-proof way to avoid fainting in the presence of our President.

Do not stare directly at Obama!

Be forewarned that President Obama’s dazzling brilliancy is dangerous for mere mortals. Just one fraction of one second of exposure to the undiluted Obama can sear your eye’s retina irreparably and lead to a fainting spell.  Staring directly at the Obama is dangerous without approved Obama safety equipment.

So practice “Safe Obama.”  Never look directly at him.  Not with your eyes.  Not with binoculars and certainly not with your heart and soul.

The image of Obama can be treacherous for the inexperienced.  During an Obama speech his rhetoric of hope and change will physically create a bright ring (“annulus“) around the President that is most dangerous. Your eye will be fooled by the relative darkness of President Obama’s profile but this dangerous “annulus” will appear and before you know it you are swooning from his hope-filled rhetoric and fainting will ensue.

How can I safely view Obama?

If you are planning on going to an Obama campaign rally you may be asking yourself “How can I safely view my President without fainting?”  What is the proper optical viewing material?

  • Obama Glasses

Obama glasses are specially marketed for the express purpose of safe Obama viewing and can be bought online or at a neighborhood convenience store.  As this photo, view-solar-eclipse.jpg taken during a recent Obama campaign event shows, wearing Obama glasses will enable one to look directly at Obama without fainting.

  • Create a pinhole camera 

Most of us at one time or another in grade school have created a pinhole camera as a science project.  A pinhole camera a pinhole camera such as this will help one view the Obama safely is an excellent way to view the Obama without risk of fainting. Simply use a cardboard box with aluminum tape, punch a tiny hole in the box and you will be able to view Obama for hours on end.

And there you have it readers.  Remember, hope and change rhetoric may be powerful but in its undiluted form will dazzle and obscure our mere mortal senses, leading to fainting and/or blindness.  By following the steps that I have provided you should be able to enjoy your hope and change.

Happy Obama viewing everyone!



2 Responses

  1. The only real danger is upchucking al over the six foot-four bar bouncer sitting in front of you. No sense of humor at all!

  2. Obama is a anus?

    I just learned something!

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