Manhattan Infidel Presents Your Updated Kennedy Malfeasance Template!

Laws do not apply to American royalty

The world was shocked yawned, not surprised, couldn’t give a shit when Kerry Kennedy, daughter of Robert Kennedy was arrested on Saturday for driving under the influence of drugs in Westchester County, New York.

I first wrote about the Kennedy Malfeasance Template (which I am in the process of copyrighting) in a February post:

Kennedy Arrested

I was scoffed at.  “Manhattan Infidel” they would say.  “Surely this is a one time event?  You don’t actually think you’ll have to use it again?”

Scoffers!  Who’s crying now?  (Besides Kerry Kennedy?)  I now present my revised, expanded and ever up-to-date Kennedy Malfeasance Template:

Breaking news:  A Kennedy (no reason to beat around the bush) has been arrested for

  1. Leaving the scene of an accident
  2. Driving while intoxicated
  3. Driving while under the influence of drugs
  4. Digging up your brother’s ex-wife’s body and burying it elsewhere
  5. Murder
  6. Possession
  7. Mafia associations
  8. All of the above
  9. Most of the above
  10. The above list only contains the crimes we know about.  Hell it’s a Kennedy.  Who knows what else there is?

According to

  1. Local police
  2. State police
  3. Everyone else driving on the highway with her
  4. Everyone else driving on the highway with her and the visual evidence on their iPhones, iPods, smartphones etc.
  5. Satellites in orbit
  6. Common sense (this is a Kennedy)

Through her actions Kennedy endangered

  1. The person whose car she smashed into
  2. Everyone else driving on the road at that time
  3. Innocent bystanders
  4. Those within a five -mile radius
  5. Those within a 15-mile radius
  6. Anyone still alive
  7. The dead who haven’t been dug up and re-interred yet.

Kennedy’s lawyer’s are claiming total innocence on the following grounds:

  1. She’s a Kennedy
  2. She’s American royalty (see no. 1)
  3. Cut her some slack.  He father was assassinated!
  4. Hello?  Camelot!  Duh!
  5. She’s a human right’s activist!
  6. Don’t let it be forgot that once there was a spot for one brief shining moment that was known as Camelot
  7. You do remember Camelot don’t you?  Or are you one of those teabaggers?

Kennedy has

  1. Declared her innocence
  2. Declared her innocence in no uncertain terms
  3. Declared her innocence on constitutional grounds (She’s a Kennedy for Christ’s sake!  Don’t you remember Camelot?)
  4. Declared her innocence because she’s a human rights activist
  5. Don’t let it be forgot that once there was a spot for one brief shining moment that was known as Camelot
  6. Declared her innocence due to emotional distress (you try digging up your ex sister-in-law’s body and re-interring it someplace else where her family won’t find it)
  7. Declared her innocence due to extreme emotional distress (her father was assassinated ensuring that the teabaggers would be successful in their attempts to kill Camelot)

The Mainstream Media will

  1. Cut her slack.  She’s American royalty after all
  2. Play down the charges (Don’t we all drive while under the influence?)
  3. Talk about how Laura Bush killed a man while driving.  She’s not even American Royalty or a member of Camelot.
  4. Come to her defense (Cut her some slack will you?  Her father was assassinated)
  5. Look for evidence that teabaggers drive while under the influence
  6. Try their best not to report on the charges

And there you have it readers.  My updated and ever relevant Kennedy Malfeasance Template (soon to be copyrighted by yours truly.)


3 Responses

  1. Matt says:

    Infidel, this is a great service to the blogoshpere, if not humanity. No longer will people have to struggle with words to describe the latest Kennedy debacle.

  2. Dude, if you don’t copyright this, I will!

    What a time-saver. Brilliant work, homie.

  3. Yaaaaaawning! Just another Kennedy. So what else is new?

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