My Exclusive Interview with the Statue of Liberty

I am so Noo Joisey!

Today at Manhattan Infidel it is my distinct pleasure to interview a landmark, an icon and a legend: The Lady in the Harbor herself, the Statue of Liberty.

MI:  Good morning Miss Liberty

SOL:  You got a drink for me?

MI:  Um, no sorry.   Let’s start at the beginning.  What do I call you? Officially you are “Liberty Enlightening the World” or La Liberté éclairant le monde as the French say.

SOL:  Don’t get me started on the French.  I hate ‘dose bastards.

MI: Okay, well as the lady in New York Harbor –

SOL:  Hey, I ain’t no New Yorker.  I’m a Jersey girl all the way!

MI:  Really?

SOL:   I’m going to Jersey Shore, bitch! But back to your question.  Just call me a guidette because I know how to club it up, I take good care of myself, I have pretty hair, tanned skin, I wear the hottest heals and I pretty much know how to own it and rock it baby!

MI:  Okay.  I never suspected that about you. Now about you – you are supposed to represent liberty breaking free.  Is that why there is a broken chain about your feet?

SOL: That ain’t no chain baby.  That’s my garter belt.  It must have fallen off when I was bopping all around doing backward flips with my thong hanging out and my crotch up in the air.

MI:  That’s an undignified image.

SOL:  Yeah I had sex.  Like hello.  You’re gonna have sex if you’re into somebody.  It’s natural.

MI:  I don’t even remember asking about your sex life.

SOL:  You want me don’t you?

MI:  No.

SOL:  I hate guys.  I’m turning lesbian, I swear.

MI:  I –

SOL:  My boobs are so tight I can’t breathe.  Is that  normal?

MI:  I wouldn’t know.

SOL:  I’m not trashy unless I drink too much.  Which is pretty much all the time. I know how to party. And I’m going to Jersey Shore bitch!

MI:  You already mentioned that.  Now – 

SOL:  It hurts my vagina.

MI:  What?

SOL:  Wanna fuck?  My tits defy gravity.  Albert Einstein should come back and rewrite his laws of physics around my tits.

MI:  Please.  I ask you to take this interview seriously.  Many of my readers want to know – 

SOL:  Do you know what gay guys do?  They’re not attracted to vagina.  They’re attracted to asshole.

MI:  I  –

SOL:  I will fucking attack you like a squirrel monkey!

MI:  What the hell are you talking about?

SOL:  I will pee in a bush.  I will poop in a bush and I will hide in a bush.  I do fucked up shit.  I don’t even know what’s wrong with me.

MI:  I don’t think there’s much point to continuing this interview.

SOL:  Every time I get real excited like if we go to a club I have to poop.  If we go to a party I have to poop.  If I go on a date I have to poop.

MI:  I’ll just let myself out.

SOL:  Even though I just met you, you seem like the perfect juicehead gorilla for me.  And I kinda want to have sex with you already.

MI:  I am so not turned on by you.  It was nice meeting you.

SOL:  I have to poop!  And I want to have sex!

Readers, it often happens that when I interview somebody they are much different than I had anticipated.  Such is the case with Lady Liberty.

MI:  Oh come on!  Will you stop pooping in my bushes!

SOL:  I’m excited.  And I want sex!

Readers, for your own good stay away from the Statue of Liberty.  She’s a skank.

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3 Responses

  1. She wasn’t always that way, MI. The liberty she promised has beendestroyed by mortals and now she psychotic. It’s understndable, don’t you think?

  2. On the bright side, Lady Liberty is a perfect greeter for people entering Obama’s America.

  3. Matt says:

    We’re pretty much hosed if lady liberty has gone skank.

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