My Exclusive Interview with Lassie

 Lassie the gay collie

Following up on yesterday’s post where I revealed to my readers the news that Lassie had been arrested for suspicion of setting the Colorado wildfires, today I have the privilege of interviewing the out-on-bail Collie.

MI:  Good afternoon Lassie.

Lassie:  Good afternoon. It’s good to be here.  I appreciate the opportunity to get my story out.

MI:  As a condition of your bail you have to wear a paw-monitoring bracelet. How is that for you?

Lassie:  It’s a bitch but it does have benefits.  The ladies dig it.  They say it makes me seem dangerous.

MI:: Interesting.  So.  You’re gay right?

Lassie:  Huh?

You can’t prove I did nuttin’!  Come on look at me.  Kids love me!

MI:  Well I heard today that a major Hollywood superstar was coming out of the closet.  And there is no one bigger than Lassie.

Lassie:  That was Anderson Cooper you moron.

MI:  Anderson Cooper gay?  Yeah right.  Next thing you’ll tell me Ricky Martin is gay.

Lassie:  He is. They both are!  They are both gay!

MI:  Do you hang out with them? Maybe go to gay socials together?

Lassie:  What the hell are you talking about?  And what the hell is a gay social?

MI: You tell me.  You’re the gay one.

Lassie:  For the last time I’m not gay!  Now can we talk about the charges against me?

MI:  So you’re not gay?

Lassie:  Well if you fill up my food dish I might sniff your groin.  But that’s simply Quid pro quo, not a lifestyle thing.

MI: I see.  Not a lifestyle thing.  So I’ll ask you again.  Are you, Lassie, gay?

Lassie:  No!

MI:  No?  What about this photo?

A totally ungay photo of Lassie

MI:  Or this one?

Another ungay photo of Lassie

Lassie:  These are stills from movies I did.  My character is beloved by children.  I help them.

MI:  Right.  It’s simply the character you were playing.  Or might one say you were playing yourself.  Lassie, the gay dog?

Lassie: God you are a f#%**g idiot!

MI:  I don’t know.  I think my questions have been very nuanced.

Lassie:  Who did you say you were again?

MI:  I’m the Manhattan Infidel.  I have a very popular blog.

Lassie:  You told me you were with the New York Times! And you’re nothing but a blogger?

MI: Sometimes in the pursuit of a big story one must resort to subterfuge.

Lassie:  Get the hell out!  I swear I am so close to biting you in the groin!

MI:  Interesting that you would want to attack my groin.  And you insist you’re not gay?

Lassie:  That’s it.  This interview is over.  You’re a motherf#$## idiot.

And so ended my interview with the recently out-of-the-closet gay dog Lassie.  It was a difficult story to break but I, the Manhattan Infidel, will spare no pains to bring the facts to my readers.


2 Responses

  1. Hey, I got a chihuahua, Don Quijote de La Mancha, that will kick Lassie¡s butt if you need him to. Just saying…

  2. I’m forwarding this article to the President.

    Campaign fundraising is hard work and it’s nice for politicians to read about celebrities in order to unwind. I also hear Barry loves the taste of collie on the morning.

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