Darrin Stephens, a fast-rising advertising executive in the Madison Avenue firm McMann and Tate has been fired from his job after his boss found out that his wife was in fact not a lesbian.

Stephens’ boss, and former close friend,  Larry Tate (pictured here) had this to say about Stephens:

Look it’s always disappointing when you have to fire a protegee.  He had such promise.  Such a bright executive. I kept asking to come over for dinner but he kept begging out.  When I asked why he said that I wouldn’t understand his wife.  That she was “different” and lived an “alternate lifestyle.”  Well hot diggity dog.  I immediately assumed she was a lesbian.  And she was hot too! She looked more like a porn lesbian than a real lesbian.  So I redoubled my efforts to come over for dinner.  Then he kept saying, “You don’t understand my wife is a witch” and I said I don’t care what her personality is like I want to see some hot lesbian action.

Then he just kept getting angrier when I wouldn’t believe him.  He said, “No. I mean it.  I’m married to a witch.  A real live house-haunting, broom-riding, cauldron-stirring, card-carrying witch.”  At this point I was growing pretty frustrated.  I had already told the others in the firm that Stephens was married to a smoking hot lesbian and we could all come over and watch some hot lesbian action.  So I invited everyone over.  We were all looking forward to it.  Well imagine my disappointment when I found out that she actually IS a witch and not a lesbian.  So I had to fire him.  I can’t lose face like that in front of my employees.  I had to buy passes for lap dances at a local strip club and hand them out just to make up for it.  And lap dances ain’t cheap!

As for Stephens, his career in ruins, his marriage over and living in a seedy SRO, he remains unapologetic about hiding his wife’s true identity.

Look I wish she was a lesbian and not a witch.  Hot girl on girl action sounds a lot better than being turned into all sorts of animals by her wacky warlock relatives but that’s just my misfortune I guess.

As for his future the despondent Stephens said:

Well I have a really bad back, am addicted to painkillers and smoke too much so I guess I’ll probably gain a lot of weight, get emphysema and die somewhere in Michigan.  But I can’t be certain of that.  I might use what’s left of my savings to have plastic surgery to look like this man. He’s really handsome.

As for the advertising firm of McMann and Tate they are currently the target of a lawsuit filed by local witches claiming discrimination.

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