Rodney King Killed by Body of Water!

Was racism responsible?

Rodney King, whose videotaped beating at the hands of white police officers touched off rioting across L.A. in 1991 has been found dead in a pool it has been learned.  His body was discovered by his fiancee.  There is no known cause of death though a suspicious body of water was seen lurking at the scene earlier.

The Chief of the LAPD, Charlie Beck, had this to say to reporters:

It looks like an accidental drowning but of course we can’t rule out racism until the toxicology reports come back.

The Mayor of Los Angeles, Antonio Villaraigosa, appealed for calm.

I am shocked.  Shocked and saddened by the events of today.  Rodney King was a tragic victim of racial brutality and profiling in America.  As a fellow person of color I urge blacks to resist the urge to punish all standing bodies of water.  Please do not seek out water.  Avoid public pools.  Let justice take its course and let the police find the guilty body of water.

A grief-stricken Jesse Jackson told reporters that:

These are dangerous times for America.  First Trayvon Martin killed by a white Hispanic.  Now Rodney King killed by water.  What color is water?  It ain’t black that’s for sure!

Despite appeals for calms reports have begun to trickle in of roaming gangs of disaffected black youth searching out standing bodies of water.  According to one victimized pool:

I was just minding my own business when this disaffected black youth jumped into me, pulled down his trunks and started peeing all over the place.  When he finished he pulled his trunks up, jumped out and said “That’s for my brother Rodney King, man!”  Now I’m all filled with pee.  This is worse than the time the drunk British tourist puked in me.

Police are asking all bodies of water, for their own protection, to remain indoors.

In a disturbing development however, a group of militant bodies of water known as the “Glug Glugs” has released a statement saying that if any more of their kind are attacked, they “will turn L.A. into Seattle!  It’s gonna be wet man!  Wet and humid!”

Rodney King’s fiancee will appear on television tonight to ask for peace.

“Can’t we all just get along” will be her message.


4 Responses

  1. The Glug Glugs have been aligned with the Aryan Nation for the last several years and the KKK for almost a century.

    Its time we faced water’s blatant anti-minority hate.

  2. Crystal clear water has always looked down on less firtunate waters. It is time that sewer water reigned. Or is that rained?

  3. Manhattan Infidel says:

    Shamus: I’m surprised the FBI hasn’t shut down the Glug Glugs yet.

    Jim: No sewer water! No peace!

  4. Me thinks it’s time for the water bodies to exercise their second amendment rights. Time to arm up and mount up with these babies –

    I’m thinking hydro cannon, being more into heavy caliber weaponry myself.

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