Mr. Clean Hit with Sexual Harassment Lawsuit

Is Mr. Clean “Mr. Dirty”?It has been learned that Mr. Clean, successful commercial spokesman for Procter & Gamble has been hit with a potential career-ending sexual harassment suit.

“It definitely looks bad” said a Hollywood insider.  “I mean he called the guy, sent him texts, photos of his privates.  This is a game changer.”

Mr. Clean’s object of affection is a 35-year old account from Santa Barbara, labelled “Client X” in court papers.  According to reports Mr. Clean first met Client X at a local shopping mall during a personal appearance.  Mr. Clean approached Client X after the show and asked him “if his pipes were clean…wink wink.”  Client X rebuffed Mr. Clean’s advances and left, thinking that was the last contact he would have with him.

Imagine Client X’s surprise when the next day flowers arrived at his office from Mr. Clean with a note attached that said, “Mr. Clean will clean your hole and everything in it…..wink wink.”

Client X will be suing for emotional damages.

Come on.  I was humiliated.  Guys at work kept teasing me, calling me “Mr. Clean’s bitch.”  I have a girlfriend.  Nothing like this has ever happened before.  My god. My mother thinks I’m gay now.

After receiving the flowers Client X threw them out and once again informed Mr. Clean that he was not interested.

It was then that Mr. Clean stepped up his harassment, showing up at Client X’s bowling league games and asking to “clean his balls.”  Mr. Clean had to be escorted out of the bowling alley after getting drunk and repeatedly screaming at Client X, “You know you want me bitch!”

Mr. Clean then started sending texts of his penis to Client X saying, “Give me a call…..just sitting here kind of lonely.”

At first Client X tried to ignore the unwanted attention and get on with his life but after receiving 96 texts of Mr. Clean’s penis within 48 hours he decided enough was enough and instituted the lawsuit.

Lawyers for Mr. Clean are claiming that it is all a misunderstanding and that his client is the innocent party.

Let the record show that Client X approached Mr. Clean first.  Mr. Clean is a healthy, virile and exclusively heterosexual agency spokesman.  And we are going to counter sue Client X.  Mr. Clean would also like to apologize to Procter & Gamble for any unwanted negative publicity.

When asked about the flowers and the texts Mr. Clean’s lawyers responded by saying that

These were innocent mistakes.  Our Client Mr. Clean, being one of the top commercial spokesmen of his generation, obviously has lots of stress in his life.  The flowers were misinterpreted.  He simply wanted to thank a fan.  And as for the texts he thought Client X would appreciate them as a joke.  Besides, if our client were gay – and he isn’t – this is Hollywood.  He could have any young male star that he wanted.  If he were gay of course.  Why would he want an account verging on middle age?

Lawyers for Client X say that that explanation is ridiculous and that this is not the first time Mr. Clean has been charged with harassment.

We have depositions from eight other man who say Mr. Clean came onto them.  We intend to introduce this in open court unless Mr. Clean settles with us.

Client X’s lawyers are asking for a full apology.  And 25 million.

Breaking news:

From his Twitter account Mr. Clean has admitted that he is gay and that he did harass Client X.

“The heart wants what the heart wants.  I like accountants.”

Procter & Gamble have announced that they are terminating Mr. Clean’s services immediately.

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4 Responses

  1. What a relief. The big guy is gay. I used to have doubts about mu wifes fidelity. she was always saying how Mr. Clean did this for her and Mr. Clean did that for her. Now I can relax. Besides now she is using Juana Pulcra. I wonder if Juana is a lesbian?

  2. Mr. Clean is a bully and a menace to society.

    But damn if he can’t get my fixtures clean.

    Wait….what?

  3. Manhattan Infidel says:

    JCF: that’s what I hear about Juana.

    Shamus: Yes, he’s a menace. But like you said my pipes have never been cleaner.

  4. Gay I can understand, but accountants?

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