My Exclusive Interview with an Incandescent Light Bulb

History’s greatest monster!Here at Manhattan Infidel I have always striven to interview controversial subjects.  Today is no exception.  I am pleased to interview the controversial and divisive figure of the incandescent light bulb.

MIGood morning.

LB:  Good morning to you sir (extends his hand).

MI:  If it’s all the same I’d just as soon not shake your hand.

LB:  Wow.  Okay.

MI:  My first question.  How do you sleep at night?

LB:  What?  I beg your pardon?

MI:  It’s a simple question.  Answer it.  Don’t look away.  I am prepared to wait until hell freezes over for my answer.

LB:  I…..I sleep just fine.

MI:  Really?  No problems with your conscience?

LB:  No.  Come on.  I’ve done nothing but good.  My invention has been nothing but good for the world.  Think about how life would be without me.  Are you prepared to go back to candles and gas lamps?

MI:  If you’re so great why is our government phasing you out?  In 2014 you will be illegal.

LB:  I don’t know.  Politicians.  They do stupid things.  But back to my point.  Do you really want to go back to gas lamps?  Do you really want the whale-hunting business to start up again?  Because it’s whale oil that will be used in the lamps. That’s a fact!

MI:  There’s no room for facts in the discussion of global warming.

LB:  I do not lead to global warming!

MI:  See this picture.  It’s a polar bear. If only people didn’t use incandescent light bulbs I might still be alive!

LB:  How adorable.

MI:  That polar bear drowned this morning.  Global warming caused his death and you are responsible for global warming.

LB:  You’re quite mad you know.

MI:  I’ve had enough of you.  You make me sick.  Somebody grab him!

LB:  Get your hands off me!

Civilian:  What’s going on  here?

MI:  It’s an incandescent light bulb!

Civilian:  Grab him!  It’s history’s greatest monster!

MI:  That’s it.  Grab him.  Swing him over your head and throw him to the ground.

LB:  No!  No!  I want to live!

MI:  Break him!  Throw him to the ground and smash him!  [The light bulb smashes to the ground and breaks.]

LB:  Rosebud!  [Lightbulb dies]

MI:  This is just the beginning people.  Wherever there is anthropo…antlerthro…anthroper……wherever there is global warming I will be there to stop it.

Civilian:  What next?

MI:  The Irish!  Does anyone know where the Irish are?

Civilian:  I do.  I repair jukeboxes in bars.  I see lots of Irish at those places.

MI:  To the bars people!  Remember, extremism in the fight against global warming and the Irish is not a crime!

If any of my readers would like to join me on my noble crusade they are most welcome ~ Manhattan Infidel


5 Responses

  1. I have heard that the Irish blow a lot of hot air.

  2. Everywhere the Irish go, they raise the temperature. They simply must go. I support your crusade against the Irish and lightbulbs.

    [turns on a lamp, eats corned beef and cabbage]

  3. Being 1/8 Irish myself, I am deeply offended and will be paying you a visit to knock you over the head with my Irish cookbook: lasagna, cavatelli, cannoli …

  4. Manhattan Infidel says:

    Jim. No comment.

    Shamus: I applaud your desire to join my crusade.

    Liberty: I thought you were 1/32 Cherokee?

  5. Well that was a short interview, I was hoping to learn more about the LB before it was taken out.but I guess the planet was at stake, no time for asking questions.

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