New York to Remove Penalties for Possession of Marijuana

Dude!Responding to criticism that its “Stop and Frisk” policy is racist, the New York Police Department, Mayor Bloomberg and Governor Cuomo announced today that they are removing criminal penalties for public possession of small amounts of marijuana.

Mayor Bloomberg announced at a press conference today that the new proposed law decriminalizing the public possession of marijuana “strikes the right balance” between law and freedom.

Showing up 80 minutes late for a press conference that was supposed to start at 9 am, the mayor, wearing dark glasses because of a “headache”  told reporters that the stop and frisk policies of the NYPD are racist.

82 percent of those arrested in New York for possession of marijuana are black or Latino. This must stop.  So we’re not going to arrest them anymore.  As for the 18% of the white people who are arrested for public possession, well, they probably have jobs and can afford bail.  What?  Did I just talk out loud?

The Mayor also announced that while possession will no longer be a crime, the public smoking of marijuana still is.

This is all part of the quality of life.  If a young black or Latino person is smoking marijuana in public he might crave something sweet and before you know it he’s reaching for a 32-ounce Big Gulp. This will lead to obesity.  As for the white people arrested for smoking marijuana, well they have jobs and can afford lawyers anyway.  And white people jog a lot which will keep them thin.  Dude that last thought was so random.

After Bloomberg finished speaking it was the turn of the Governor of New York, Andrew Cuomo to speak.

When Mayor – um. When the mayor who’s name escapes me – I’m sorry dude I know your name but I just can’t remember it – told me of his plans to decriminalize marijuana I was overjoyed.   It just isn’t right that hard working white people with jobs should be arrested for recreational smoking of a relatively harmless drug.  God my mouth is dry.

The governor then ended his comments by going to the complimentary buffet table and eating some sugar frosted donuts.

“I love these man.  They are delicious.  I could eat a couple dozen.”

Reaction to today’s announcement was swift but laid back.  The Association of Black and Latino Pot Smokers hailed the announcement as a “positive first step.”  However they also questioned the announcement’s motives.

We blacks and Latinos have been stopped and frisked and arrested for possession of pot for years. And now that some white dudes are being stopped they are going to change the law.  That ain’t right. You know what else ain’t right? Why do the Mexican dudes charge us more for pot than they do the white boys?

The proposed law, if passed by the state legislature, will take effect in Autumn.


3 Responses

  1. Why don’t you send those dudes to California. They would fit right in with Jerry “Moonbeam” Brown.

  2. Matt says:

    That sure did help Bloomberg’s intellect!

  3. That sounds about right for leftards, ban salt, sugar, sodas; persecute smokers but give put smokers a free pass.

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