The Manhattan Infidel Guide to Spotting and Curbing Racism

Say no to racism, and racist code words and racist Republicans and racist AmericaFollowing up on yesterday’s post where I discussed hate-filled racist code words that are destroying America I will now talk about the nature of racism itself.  What is racism? How can we stop it? And most importantly, why hasn’t Lauren Graham done a nude scene yet? Why Lauren?  Why?  And so I now present the signs of racism.  May we bring this scourge to an end.

  • Reducing people of other races to stereotypes

Believing that some races are better at certain jobs or functions is just wrong.  Granted not as wrong as Kathy Bates nude scene in About Schmidt but wrong nevertheless.   Unless of course we are referring to Croatians and their natural ability to play basketball.  Those bastards.

  • Pride in one’s country

Being proud of your country is an obvious sign of racism.  For example many people (probably bitter clingers to guns and religion) believe that the United States is a “great” country.  If America is so great how come it’s not a socialist country?  Look at the many evils of America:  Income inequality. Capitalism.  The New York Mets.  How can an intelligent person believe this country is great?

  • Association

Racists love to associate with each other in racist organizations such as the Ku Klux Klan, the Boy Scouts and Arizona.  If you belong to any of these organizations you are a racist. If you are  Ku Klux Klan member who lives in Arizona and are a scout master you are a triple racist, like Emerson, Lake and Palmer.

  • Invisibility

 It is typical of racists to ignore social injustice.  If you believe that you are under no obligation to curb obvious social injustices such as income inequality or Justin Beiber you are a racist.

  • Cheese

Cheese is a notoriously racist food.   Cheese is white or yellow.  Why is there no black cheese?  (Excepting the cheese in the back of my refrigerator of course.)  If you like to eat cheese, if you have ever eaten cheese, if you have ever seen cheese in a supermarket, if you have ever seen a picture of cheese you are a racist.  A racist who belongs to the Ku Klux Klan.  And lives in Arizona.  And you are probably a scout master.

  • Spontaneous respiration

Do you inhale and exhale?  Do you do this without even thinking about it?  Then you are a racist. Spontaneous respiration kills polar bears.  Don’t ask how.  The science is settled.

  • Penises

The penis is a racist organ.  There is a scientific correlation between penile erection, violence and fear.  The penis is evil.  The penis shoots seeds and makes new life to poison the Earth with the plague of men.

And there you have it readers.  Be on the lookout for cheese-eating Ku Klux Klan members from Arizona who have penises.  Most likely they are racist.


3 Responses

  1. Trestin says:

    Wait?… Does that mean BO is a racist? I know he is not a real man, but I think I’ve seen him eating cheese and I know he breaths out a lot of hot air.

  2. Matt says:

    @ Trestin, the criteria states that Obama must have a penis. However, I have no desire to investigate that.

  3. MK says:

    “The penis is a racist organ.”

    Yes but the white ones are the worst of all.

    No, actually big white ones are the worst of them all because they invoke feelings of hostility, envy and desire all at the same time among liberal men and women.

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