In his annual State of the Union address, President Obama took the opportunity to once again tout the Buffett rule, named after singer Jimmy Buffett, which would require that secretaries have as much access to margaritas as their millionaire bosses.

Warming to his subject President Obama challenged congressional Republicans.

“Why should a millionaire like Jimmy Buffett have more margaritas than his secretary?” Obama asked rhetorically as Democrats applauded.  “Doesn’t his secretary deserve to have as many margaritas as her boss?  Is it fair that she can’t?  Is this the America we want to live in?”

President Obama then blamed congressional Republicans for the deadlock in Margaritaville.

I’ve been  strumming my six string on the front porch swing of the White House smelling the shrimp from the White House kitchen they’re beginning to boil.  But what’s missing here?  A lost shaker of salt!  Republicans are trying to deny Americans their shaker of salt.  They believe only the rich should have salt shakers. Is this the America we want to live in?

This line brought the most prolonged applause of the speech. Democrats rose to their feet holding salt shakers above their heads.

When the applause died down President Obama continued.

I don’t know the reason I stayed in Washington all season.  I blame the do-nothing congress.  I have nothing to show but this brand new tattoo.  It’s a real beauty.  A Mexican cutie.

The President then dropped his pants to reveal his brand new tattoo.  Sitting behind him, Vice President Biden clapped his hands and shouted “I have a tattoo too!  Franks and beans!  Franks and beans!”

Like I said, why should hard working men and women of the middle class of America be forced to search for lost shakers of salt?  Some claim there’s a woman to blame for this.  Hell I don’t know.  But I’d just like to say that back in the White House there’s booze in the blender and soon it will render that frozen concoction that helps me hang on.  All Americans should have access to a blender that will render a frozen concoction that helps them hang on.  Especially in this tough economy.

President Obama then closed his speech by announcing his signature legislation, the so-called “Shaker of Salt” bill.

This bill will give all Americans access to margaritas.  This bill will give all Americans a shaker of salt.  This bill will restore fairness to our country! My fellow Americans god bless you. Good night.

From Iran, President Ahmadinejad blamed the margarita discrepancy on Israel.

“Have you ever looked at Israel on a map? It looks like a shaker of salt.  The Zionists are responsible!”

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