Sheriff Taylor Comes Under Scrutiny

Sheriff Taylor’s actions have drawn scrutinyIt has been learned that Sheriff Andy Taylor of the town of Mayberry is currently the subject of a Federal civil rights probe. The Fed are close to unsealing an indictment charging Sheriff Taylor, among other things, for “creating an atmosphere of terror” in Mayberry that left citizens traumatized.

It is alleged that Sheriff Taylor, instead of giving all citizens the equal protection of the law, regularly shook the town down.  Those who paid him were protected.  Those who didn’t were visited by town drunk Otis Campbell Just give the Sheriff his money and all thsi will be over! who would beat them up, destroy their tractors and shoot their livestock.  Said one citizen who wishes to remain anonymous:

Otis was a vicious drunk.  Once I heard my neighbor screaming and I ran over and…..and I can’t even begin to describe the horror of what I saw.  Campbell had him tied up and was using a knife to cut up his testicles.  He kept saying, “Just give Andy the money and all this will be over.”  But he refused and kept shouting, “Freedom!”  I never saw him alive again.  He was my friend dammit!

Also, town barber Floyd Lawson You’re a dead man! was suspected of murdering people who had run afoul of Sheriff Taylor.

“We used to joke about how his shop always reeked of blood.  Floyd said it was because he nicked a customer.” said one resident.   “Once I guess I said the wrong thing and Floyd stabbed me in my hand.  I mean everyone knew about the bodies buried out back.  But we didn’t want no trouble.”

The Feds also have Lawson on tape with Sheriff Taylor discussing a young child Taylor wanted beaten up.

Floyd:  But Andy, he’s just a boy.

Taylor:  I don’t care.  I want him dead.  I want his family dead.  I want his house burned.

But perhaps most damaging was Sheriff Taylor’s relations with Mayberry’s sizable black community.  Despite being 40% of the population, no blacks were ever seen talking to Taylor or even allowed near the vicinity of downtown Mayberry.

“It was known by all of us in the community that we were not to go there or Taylor would send Deputy Fife Nip it in the bud! after us” said a black resident.  “And no one wanted that.  We all knew he was emotionally unstable.  A powder keg with a low blood sugar problem.”

Another tells of a run-in with an enraged and out of control Fife.

“He kept telling me that he had one bullet.  Only one bullet.  And he didn’t mind using it on me.  Crazy white boy!”

Fife was known to pull blacks off of buses as they were trying to leave town and threatening them.

“You want freedom?  Nip it!  Nip it!  Nip it in the bud!”

Sheriff Taylor for his part denies all allegations and blames it on a “desperate political ploy by the other party.”

“If I’m so unpopular why do I keep getting reelected.  Now you run along or I’ll have Otis pay you a visit.”


2 Responses

  1. Matt says:

    I always thought Mayberry was a little too good to be true.

  2. Manhattan Infidel says:

    Matt: Indeed from what I’m hearing Mayberry was pretty much hell on Earth. Kinda like Chicago but without the White Sox.

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