In the wake of last month’s storming of the English  British Embassy, the Islamic Republic of Iran has issued an emergency plea for more flags from western countries (specifically the United States and Great Britain.)

Speaking in front of a specially-called emergency session of the Iranian Parliament, Iran’s Supreme Leader Ali Khamenei (pictured here)  begged the world for more western flags.

We enjoy storming the embassies of the great western satans.  We enjoy rioting against the great western satans.   But we have used up our supply of western flags to burn.  We are all out of American and English, I mean British, flags. Our strategic reserve of western flags has been used up.  If we do  not find more western flags we will be unable to riot and storm.  And then our economy will be in shambles.  It is imperative that we reach out to the west and ask them to send us their flags.  And no, I am not Ed Asner.  Stop asking me for Mary Tyler Moore’s autograph.

Immediately after Ed Asner’s, I mean Ali Khamenei’s plea for western flags the world sprang into action.  President Obama (pictured here) asked Congress to send a supply to Iran.

The Iranian people are destitute.  With no flags a famine is inevitable.  I ask all Americans to send their flags to Iran. It’s the humane thing to do.  But will we?  I don’t know. We are lazy.  Shiftless.  Stupid.  Bitter and clinging.  No.  The Iranians will probably starve.  I’d like to apologize in advance for their soon-to-be famine.  But we have one last hope.  I call upon Mary Tyler Moore to use her resources to round up any American and English, I mean British, flag she can find and send them to her old friend and co-worker Ed Asner.

The European Central Bank and the Federal Reserve have both issued warnings that the Iranian economy will collapse without any western flags to burn.

Fed Chairman Ben Bernanke (pictured here) told reporters that he is personally prepared to fly to Iran “with any flags Mary Tyler Moore assembles” to forestall worldwide economic collapse.

In related news, a large fire has been reported on the lawn of veteran character actor Ed Asner (pictured here). Said Asner, “I’m just burning some flags.”

NOTE:   The Manhattan Infidel would like to issue an apology for any factual errors in this story.

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