I just want to drum. Please don’t beat me up, sir!

In a shocking act of senseless violence, a harmless, gentle young boy named Aaron who loves nothing more than playing his drum while his pet lamb, donkey and camel dance was savagely attacked and beaten by this man,

I hate all drummers. You work for Ringo, don’t you?

former Beatle drummer Pete Best.

Witnesses report that the gentle young lad was drumming his signature tune, “ba-rum pa-pum pum” when a brutal, vicious, out of control and irrational Best punched the child, knocking him to the ground.

As the injured Aaron was comforted by his animal companions Best grabbed Aaron’s drum and said, “No, no, no!  It’s not “ba-rum pa-pum pum” it’s “pum-pum-pum-pum.”  Fast.  Use the kick drum on every quarter note!”

As a bleeding Aaron begged Best to give him back his drum, “Please mister.  My animals like to dance while I play!”,  Best started screaming at the gathering crowd.

What the hell is everyone looking at?  I’m Pete Best dammit!  I was in the Beatles for two years!  You’re all working for Ringo aren’t you?  Admit it!  You’re Ringo’s spies!   Well I’m not afraid of Ringo anymore.  I’m smart.  Not like people say!

The gentle young lad then picked himself up and again entreated Best to give him his drum back.

Mister.  Have a heart!  I’m an orphan.  Bandits stole my family’s sheep, killed my parents and burned down their farm.  Then I was captured by Ben Haramed and forced to perform in his caravan.  Please mister.  I have nothing left in life but my drum.  And my lamb, donkey and camel.  And if you use the kick drum on every quarter note you might push the beat to fast for comfort.  Just saying.

Best became even more enraged by Aaron’s advice and shouted, “You’re a Ringo spy too, aren’t you?”  

He then broke the little drummer boy’s heart by putting his foot through his drum.

“That’s what I do to Ringo’s spies!” said Best as the crowd pelted him with garbage.

Police soon arrived and, fearing for Best’s life, arrested him.

Best is currently being held in protective custody, charged with assault and rushing the beat.

Best’s lawyer promises full exoneration for his client.  “As long as Ringo has no spies on the jury.”

As for the little drummer boy, Aaron’s broken heart was healed when sympathetic citizens chipped in to buy him a new drum.  He was last seen leaving town playing on his drum, accompanied by his loyal lamb, donkey and camel.

When asked to comment on the shocking incident, Ringo Starr told reporters, “Excellent.  Excellent.  My plan is working.”

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