I ended part III of my interview with Santa by visiting a local establishment and showing my support for single mothers. I now present my fourth and final installment. You know, I don’t mean to brag but I smell a Pulitzer. And if anyone from the networks is reading this I’m ready for my closeup.
MI: Where am I?
Doctor: You’re in a hospital. The good news is we were able to save one of your testicles.
MI: What happened?
Doctor: You were found in an alleyway outside a strip club beaten pretty badly. What did you do to piss off a stripper that much?
MI: Well I –
Doctor: I mean the hatred that went into your beating. You didn’t tell them you were a blogger did you?
MI: Yes I did.
Doctor: That explains it. Never tell a stripper you’re a blogger. In fact never tell anyone you’re a blogger. It’s like advertising the fact that you are a broke loser who’s never known the touch of a woman.
MI: But I am a…..oh never mind. What day is this? I have to finish my interview with Santa.
Doctor: Well you’re in luck. It’s Christmas Eve and Santa will be visiting us soon.
Santa: Ho ho ho!
Doctor: Here he is now!
Santa: Ho ho ho [sees Manhattan Infidel] Ah crap. You again.
MI: Santa! I have just a few more questions to ask you.
Santa: Listen punk. I’m tired of you. You’re cramping my style. Do you know how long it took me to convince those four 19-year old strippers that you weren’t my friend before they agreed to tie me up, pour chocolate-flavored nipple licker drops on me and slowly lick me to orgasm? Do you? Well it wasn’t easy let me tell you. And these weren’t just any 19-year old strippers. They were Greek 19-year old strippers who were on the Olympic gymnastics team.
MI: But my interview?
Santa: What interview? I should never have agreed to sit down with you.
MI: Santa!
Santa: Look if I give you a present will you quit whining and leave me alone?
MI: Yes.
Santa: OK. I found this in the alley. I think it’s your other testicle. No wait. Sorry. That’s Peter Falk’s glass eye. He gave it to me at a Christmas party once. Here it is. Anyway. Enjoy your testicle. Not that it’ll do you any good.
MI: Thank you Santa.
Santa: Well, I’m off. I have to deliver presents to all the strippers. I mean all the boys and girls. Ho ho ho!
And so ended my interview with St. Nick.
And if any of my female readers are wondering I have both my testicles back so look me up. And no the fact that you recently spent time in prison doesn’t matter to me.
(395)
So…Santa is pretty much everything I thought he would be and more.
I knew homeboy had a thing for Greeks.
Shamus: Yes, Santa lives up (down) to his rep. As for the Greek women? Hey, who doesn’t love them.
Gotta love the Greeks.
Merry Christmas.
He must be Santa. He found Greeks that we’re rioting.
Sorry to hear about the testicles.