Part III of my Exclusive Interview with Santa Claus

Santa has problems!As part II of my exclusive interview with St. Nick ended we had exercised our minds and our bodies in wholesome physical activity.  I  now present part III of my interview with this rather remarkable figure.

MI:  This is a nice place. I’ve never been here before.

Santa:  It’s a bit above your kind.  Just don’t mention you blog.  Hey, there’s my favorite dancer.  Come over and give Santa a lap dance honey.

Desiree:   How my favorite big hunk of man?  Would you like your Christmas present?

[The exotic dancer known as “Desiree” sits on Santa’s lap and proceed to gyrate against him.]

Santa:  Oh yeah. That’s what Santa likes.  You know what Santa wants?

Desiree:  A private lap dance?

Santa:  A private session with you and a few of your dancer friends.  I  have a couple thousand in cash burning a hole in my pocket and it’s all for you baby.

[Santa pulls out a couple hundred dollar bills and slips them down Desiree’s G-string.  He then slaps her on her butt.]

Santa:   Oh yeah.  Look at that flesh.  So smooth. Did you hear the tone when I spanked her?  So tight.  

MI:  Yeah nice.  Manhattan Infidel wants some of that.

[Manhattan Infidel pulls a dollar from his wallet and tries to give it to the exotic dancer known as Desiree.]

Desiree:  What the hell is that?

MI:  It’s a dollar baby.  Come to papa.  This dollar is going down your G-string.

Desiree:  Are you serious?  A dollar?  Are you homeless?

MI:  Um.  It’s your tip.

Desiree:  You disrespect me by trying to give me a dollar?  Don’t touch me moron.  Is he a friend of yours?

Santa:  Ho ho ho. No! 

MI:  I was interviewing Santa.

Desiree:  You’re a reporter?

MI: I have a blog.

Desiree:  Security!  Security!

Santa:  Now you’ve done it.  Didn’t I tell you not to mention you’re a blogger?

[Two security guards come over.]

Guard One:  What’s the problem?  Is this punk bothering you?

Desiree:  Worse than that.  He’s a blogger!

[The two guards pick up Manhattan Infidel and carry him towards the exit.]

MI:  Wait a minute.  I’m Manhattan Infidel.  I’m universally beloved.   My blog brings joy to millions.  I mean hundreds.  I mean dozens.

Guard One:  Shut the hell up. We’re tired of you blogging types coming in here.  You buy one drink.  Spend maybe ten bucks and whine that you’ve never known the touch of a woman.

[They throw Manhattan Infidel into the alley.]

Guard Two:  Let’s rough him up.

Guard One:  The testicles?

Guard Two:  Great idea.

[They proceed to beat Manhattan Infidel up.  Santa walks past Manhattan Infidel to his limo. He has a dancer on each arm.]

Santa:  Ho ho ho.  Looks like you’re screwed fella.

MI:  Help me!

Santa:  Yeah, right pal.  Kick him in the groin once for me will you?

Guard One:  You got it Santa!

End of Part III.


3 Responses

  1. innominatus says:

    A dollar just doesn’t have the purchasing power it once had.

  2. Manhattan Infidel says:

    Inn: Time was a stripper, sorry, exotic dancer, was happy with a dollar tip.

  3. Matt says:

    If there was ever a sign of how badly our currency has been ruined by the central bank, this is the most awful.

Leave a Reply

Using Gravatars in the comments - get your own and be recognized!

XHTML: These are some of the tags you can use: <a href=""> <b> <blockquote> <code> <em> <i> <strike> <strong>