My Exclusive Interview with Jon Corzine

I have no  idea where the money is!Former Governor and Senator from New Jersey and head of the now-bankrupt  MF global, Jon Corzine recently sat down with me for an exclusive interview.   Among the topics of conversation:  How could MF Global have gone bankrupt?  Were no lessons learned from the 2008 financial meltdown? As we walked down Broadway on a brisk December afternoon we stopped by a hot dog vendor.

JC:  Two dogs please.

MI:  Put relish on mine.

JC:  Two dogs, one with relish. [Receives hot dogs from vendor.]  Thank you.

MI:  As I was saying many people wonder how MF Global could go bankrupt.

JC:  It’s a complicated process.

MI:  Where’s my hot dog?

JC:  What?

MI:  You asked for two hot dogs.  He gave you two hot dogs.  Where’s mine?  Did you eat my hot dog?

JC:  I have no idea where your hot dog went.  I honestly, sincerely have no idea where it went.

MI:  You ate my hot dog!

JC:  I an neither confirm or deny this.  All I know for sure is it’s gone.

MI:  I’m sorry.  I guess I’m just being jumpy, what with the economy and all.  But that brings me back to my original question.  What happened at MF Global?  It is now estimated that over one billion dollars is missing.  How can one billion go missing?

JC:  Well, let me just postulate.  And without saying this happened.  Let’s say a beloved ex- senator and governor had an addiction to gambling.  He might take a gamble on say, European debt.  Buying up tons of European debt on little to no margin.  Or let’s say a beloved ex- senator and governor took a couple million down to the track and bet on a 100 to 1 long shot.  Well, these things happen don’t they?  And obviously any missing money that results would be the fault of congressional Republicans.

MI:  Oh come on.  You don’t obviously expect the public to – hey, what the?

JC:  What’s wrong?

MI:  My wallet.  My wallet is missing.  Did you take my wallet?

JC:  I have no idea where your wallet is. Your driver’s license photo is really awful.

MI:  How would you know that unless – hey!  What the –

JC:  Something wrong?

MI:  What happened to my shirt?  I was wearing a shirt. It’s gone.

JC:  I have no idea where your shirt is.

MI:  Well if you say you have no idea I gues – hey, what the?

JC:  Yes?

MI:  My pants.  I was wearing pants.  Where’d they go?

JC:  I have no idea where your pants went.  Well I’m off to the racetrack.

MI:  Wait.  You just can’t leave me here without a shirt, pants or wallet!

JC:  I have lots of friends at the Fed.  They might be able to help you.  Bye.

And so ended my interview with former senator and governor Jon Corzine.  I’m still waiting to hear from someone at the Fed.


4 Responses

  1. And now everyone knows how New Jersey feels.

    In related news, the Garbage State’s mojo remains missing and presumed dead.

  2. Manhattan Infidel says:

    Shamus: But..but Jonnie’s a liberal/socialist/Democrat. You know, one of the goooooooood people.

  3. Trestin says:

    I think he might be responsible for all my mismatched socks.

  4. Manhattan Infidel says:

    Trestin: I wouldn’t put it past the bastard.

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