Here at the worldwide headquarters of Manhattan Infidel my windowless basement studio I pride myself on getting interviews with some of the most fascinating people my hallucinations in the world. Today is no exception. Since barreling into New Orleans six years ago Hurricane Katrina has avoided contact with the media. Until now. I am pleased to snag the first exclusive interview.

MI:  Thank you for meeting with me.  I have to start out with the question everyone wants to know.  Why New Orleans?

Katrina:  I hate black people.

MI:  Wow.  I……..I don’t know what to say.  I wasn’t expecting that answer.

Katrina:  You shouldn’t be surprised.  All weather-related events are caused by racism not environmental factors.  Remember Hurricane Dennis?  Klan member.  So anyway I knew New Orleans had levees that were vulnerable and the army corp of engineers showed me where to topple them.

MI:  This is.  Okay I can see that this interview is going to be controversial.

Katrina:  Me and the other hurricanes have talked and we really want to get a crack at Detroit but we haven’t found a way to maintain strength over land yet.

MI:  Logistics aside what’s the purpose of going after Detroit.  It looks like a hurricane already hit it.

Katrina:  Good point.  I guess it’s the principle of the matter.

MI:  Moving on.  What is your relationship like with the other weather events. You know, tornadoes, blizzards, etc.

Katrina:  Tornadoes?  What a bunch of prissy  little bitches.  They show up, do little damage and then pat themselves on the back about how powerful they are. They’re like the Carolina Panthers.  We hurricanes hate them.  Earthquakes.  I like Earthquakes.

MI:  Well, technically an earthquake is not a weather event.  It’s plate tectonics.

Katrina:  Oh, you believe that lie?

MI:  Lie?  Well, no it’s been scientifically proven.

Katrina:  Right.  And it’s been scientifically proven that Ricky Martin is still waiting for the right woman.

MI:  What are you saying.

Katrina: Are you dense?  Do I have to spell it out for you?  Sarah Palin causes earthquakes. It’s true.  I read it in Huffington Post.

MI:  Okay.  Final question.  What have you been doing with yourself the past six years?

Katrina:  I’m in Hollywood now.  Shopping around a screenplay.  Doing some open mikes.  I just got an agent.

MI:  What’s the title of your screenplay?

Katrina:  I Hate Black People.

MI:  I might have known.

Katrina:  Hey, if you see Hurricane Irene tell her to call me. I have some category 5 tips.

MI:  I’ll do that.  Thank you and goodbye.

Katrina:  Remember, life blows.  It’s an inside joke with us hurricanes.

MI:  Okay.

Katrina: And tell your readers that if they are in the LA area to drop by open mike night at the Comedy Cellar.  I can’t go on unless I bring three audience members.

And that was my interview with Hurricane Katrina.  I never knew hurricanes had so many issues.

(668)