“Son, we’d like to keep you around this season but we’re trying to win a pennant” ~ Casey Stengel to a Yankee rookie

On the evening following a 5.8 magnitude earthquake that shook New York City for 15 seconds the Yankees took on the Oakland “Kinda like San Francisco without the Grateful Dead” Athletics.

The Yankees started Bartolo “baseball been very very good to me” Colon (8-8 3.71 ERA) while Oakland started Brandon McCarthy  (7-6 3.72).

Oakland jumped ahead in the top of the second on a solo home run by the antichrist, Brandon Allen. 1-0 Oakland after two.

In the top of the third Eric Sogard (the other antichrist) hit his first career home run. 2-0 Oakland after three.

In the sixth inning Coco Crisp scored on Josh Willingham’s sacrifice fly.  3-0 Oakland after six.

In the top of the seventh Colon finally ran out of gas and was taken out of the game by Joe Girardi.  Colon proceeded to walk to the dugout, stopping only to consume first base coach Mick Kelleher.  (Hey, Colon needs his nourishment.)  Girardi brought in Boone Logan who proceeded to give up a double to pinch hitter Scott Sizemore.  5-0 Oakland after seven.

In the top of the eighth the evil, diabolical Brandon Allen hit his second home run of the night.  Who is Brandon Allen you say?  Good question.  He has only played in nine games this year but decides to hit two home runs against the Yankees.  So remember this face people.   He is evil.  Granted not as evil as Alex Trebek but evil nonetheless.

In the bottom of the eighth the Yankees made it interesting as Nick Swisher hit a three run home run scoring Jeter and Granderson.  6-3 Oakland after eight.

In the ninth the Yankees rallied, scoring two runs on a Jorge Poada home run and a walk to Robinson Cano that scored Russell Martin.  However the rally came up short.  Nick Swisher flied out for the last out.  Final Score:  Oakland 6 Yankees 5.

Now as  mentioned before New York had an earthquake today.  I know many of you might have been worried and said to yourself, “Gee, I hope Manhattan Infidel is okay and the quake didn’t knock about any of the bodies in the crawlspace.” When the quake struck I was actually on the throne when the wall and toilet started rocking back and forth.  I said “I know I had General Tso’s chicken for dinner last night but this is ridiculous.”

Notes on the game:

The Yankee players shared their experience of the earthquake with reporters:

Derek Jeter said “I felt the bedroom rocking.  But then again my bedroom is always rocking if you know what I mean.”

Nick Swisher said “What up bleacher creatures.  If the bedroom is a rocking don’t come a knocking!”

Bartolo Colon said “I eat a lot because I’m lonely.”

Jorge Posada said “Plate tectonics makes me angry.  Very angry indeed!”

Celebrity sighting:  Tracy Morgan was at the game.  Unfortunately Tracy thought he was at a Los Angeles Lakers game and kept asking “Which one of the white boys is Kobe?”

Yankees Magazine for the month of August highlights the women of the Yankees.  It was a refreshing look at all the women who work in the front office.  None of them were hot though so I didn’t read the article.

Reader mail:

D.B. of Philadelphia writes, “Who has the best record in baseball?  Oh that’s right.  The soon to be world champion Phillies!”

D.B.  – One word from me and NATO begins a bombing campaign on your strongholds.

L.K. of New Jersey writes, “Sometimes at work when I’m really bored I like to blow my nose on a user’s computer.”

Sensible.  I see nothing wrong with this.  All computer technicians do.

The (in)famous M.B. of Brooklyn writes, “You’re going in my crawlspace bitch!”

People I haven’t seen such hostility since I last visited my parole officer.

After a strong 10-0 start I have lost my last two games.  My record now stands at 10-2.  Still good but not as good at 12-0.  With tonight’s loss and the Red Sawks victory we are tied for first  place in the AL East with the abomination of desolation.

My next game is Saturday September 3rd against the Toronto Blue Jays.

Go Yankees!

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