From the Manhattan Infidel Future Archives: August 16, 2012: Nato Bombs Gracie Mansion; Bloomberg's Grip on Power Ends

You question me you transfatter!Michael Bloomberg’s grip on power appeared to evaporate overnight as NATO forces bombed Gracie Mansion, the residence of New York City mayors.

In midtown jubilant rebels tore down posters of Bloomberg while chanting “Freedom!  Freedom, smokes and transfats!’

The Rebel Alliance issued a tweet that said, “We congratulate the people of New York for the fall of Michael Bloomberg.  We urge all New Yorkers to go into the street and public parks and bars and smoke.  Hell, eat something unhealthy.  Freedom has returned to the Big Apple!”

From Washington D.C. Martha’s Vineyard where he had been closely monitoring the situation playing golf President Obama said

New York City is slipping from the grasp of a tyrant. The people of New York are showing that the universal pursuit of dignity and freedom is far stronger that the iron fist of a dictator.  Today, I can feel the ocean’s receding.  Today we are the people we are waiting for.  What?  Okay I’ll shut up.

The fall of the House of Bloomberg seemed to signal the end of one of the world’s more mercurial political figures, the leader of a government that was bizarre as it was brutal.

Rising to power on the heels of Rudy Guiliani and 9/11 Bloomberg soon established an autocratic rule that had many in New York cowering in fear.  Bloomberg’s police force, dubbed the “anti-transfatters”  were notorious for arresting diners whose meal did not meet safe environmental and dietary standards.  Combined with his secret police of anti-smokers Bloomberg created a climate of fear in New York City.

But the final straw was executive order no. 326 which Bloomberg promulgated on May 1, 2012.  The executive order banned spontaneous respiration.

Spontaneous respiration is the enemy of all life.  Don’t people realize that when they breathe out carbon dioxide they are contributing to global warming?  I, Michael Bloomberg, have deemed this illegal.

It was then that NATO became involved in the struggle for freedom in New York City.  Using the powers invested in by its charter NATO began a campaign of air strikes against Bloomberg’s forces.

The campaign was unsuccessful at first as most New Yorkers didn’t even realize they were being bombed.

“We heard the noise and saw the smoke but we thought it was just another manhole cover exploding” said a resident.

NATO Secretary General Anders Fogh Rasmussen said in a statement that

The elimination of Bloomberg is just the first step.  After the cold war ended we were looking for something to do.  And we’ve found it. Qaddayfi was an epiphany! Bombing all the bat shit insane is our new mission statement.  Today Bloomberg.  Tomorrow Hollywood!

There is no word on the whereabouts of  Bloomberg though it is rumored that he is in exile in the Bahamas.


6 Responses

  1. innominatus says:

    Did ya feel the ‘quake? Or was it just NATO bombs going off?

  2. Manhattan Infidel says:

    Yep. I felt the quake. It lasted for about 10 seconds. The building rocked about 4 inches back and forth.

    I didn’t know what it was at first. Even though there is a fault running underneath Manhattan one doesn’t usually associate NYC with earthquakes.

    Fortunately no one was hurt.

  3. Good to hear your safe, MI.

    Funny enough, I didn’t feel anything.

  4. Manhattan Infidel says:

    Shamus: I blame all those double downs for your lack of feeling.

  5. I heard he was try to make to California to hook-up with his buddy Pat Brown. But he was kidnapped along the way by some tobacco chewing, Ozark hill country good ol’boys in Missouri. He’s toast!

  6. MK says:

    “Combined with his secret police of anti-smokers Bloomberg created a climate of fear in New York City.”

    Well in his defense, at least it wasn’t a climate of hate.

    Until he really buggered up and went after spontaneous respiration

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