Recently I had the good fortune to sit down with an exclusive interview with the investor, industrialist and philanthropist Warren Buffett, (pictured in his favorite duck suit) currently ranked as the fifth richest man in the world.

MI:  Thank you for meeting with me Mr. Buffett

WB: My pleasure.

MI:  My first question is where do you get the ideas for your songs?

WB:  What?

MI:  You know, Wasted Away in Margaritaville, Cheeseburger in Paradise…..I’m something of a Parrothead myself.

WB: That’s not  me. You have me confused with Jimmy Buffett.

MI:  My apologies.  Second question:  Why the duck suit?

WB: I often dress up in outfits like this when I’m home.  I don’t have to tell you that being Warren Buffett is a tremendous responsibility.  Lots of weight on my shoulders.  Dressing up like this helps me relax.  I have other outfits.  Batman, Robin, Wonder Woman (fortunately I have the legs for that outfit.)  No.  I’m not insane.

MI:  I never said you were.

WB:  No but you were thinking it.  My secretary thought I was insane when I started wearing her clothes.

MI:  Moving along.  You were recently quoted as saying that you thought the government should stop “coddling the rich” and that you, for one, would be willing to have your taxes raised.

WB:  Yes, I did say that. Of course I say a lot of things when I’m coked up.

MI:  You in part were able to achieve your fortune through favorable tax rates.  Would you be able to be as successful today if you were just starting out and taxes were raised to a level you are asking for?  If you really think you should pay more why not just write out a check for five billion now?

WB:  You said you work for the New York Times?

MI:  No.  I’m the Manhattan Infidel.

WB:  Didn’t I kill you already?

MI:  You’re thinking of Vince Foster.

WB:  Oh, that’s right (chuckles maniacally.)  Anyway back to my point.  Stop coddling us.  Stop coddling me.  I like it rough.  Very rough.  I’ve been a very bad boy and need discipline.

At this point several men dressed in black leather, their faces covered in masks entered the room.  They took Buffett’s arms and raised them over his head, attaching them to restraints that came down from the ceiling.  The restraints then were raised, lifting him off the floor.

Unidentified Male:  The usual Mr. Buffett?

WB:  Yes.  Yes.  YES!!!

I once again thanked Mr. Buffett for his time and left.  It’s good to know our financial institutions are in such capable hands.

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