With the rising of the apes many dramatic changes were made to life on Earth.  But despite that, merchants remain optimistic that their businesses will remain vibrant.

“We had to adjust and start catering to the apes” said one man who owns a greeting card store. “It was difficult at first.  Apes don’t have much use for get well or birthday cards.  So I started a line of ‘Congratulations on achieving sentience’ cards.  They are a big hit.”

The Chamber Music Society of Lincoln Center in New York City was hard hit by the rise of the apes, having lost most of their subscribers during the war.

During our first concert after the apes took over we were playing Mozart’s Serenade in B-flat when an ape rushed the stage and ripped off our oboeist’s jaw. Turns out apes have no great love for chamber music.  But they are big fans of Bachman-Turner Overdrive.  So the surviving members now play nothing but BTO.  We’re flexible.  And we don’t want our jaws ripped off.

It is the love of Bachman-Turner Overdrive that one record store owner credits with saving his business.

Apes?  What can I say.  Good customers.  I was losing business to the internet but thank god the apes destroyed all the computers.  And they absolutely adore Bachman-Turner Overdrive.  So that’s all I sell now. The apes will come in after work singing “Taking Care of Business” and expect me to have plenty of CDs available for them.  Which I do.   Good people apes are.  I just wish they hadn’t ripped my employee’s jaw off.  But hey, I’m turning a good profit.

Gentleman’s entertainment venues, once known as strip clubs have been the one business unaffected by the rise of the apes.  Said one owner of a string of such clubs:

Hey, doesn’t matter if it’s humans or apes.  The male of the species will always want to see pretty girls take their clothes off and dance around a pole.  And the apes love it.  They throw banana peels onto the stage that have their phone numbers written on them.  Not that I’m condoning interspecies relationships but  I run a business so sometimes you have to look the other way.  So yeah, I cater mostly to apes now.  Good people.  Good customers.  I just wish they hadn’t ripped my bouncer’s jaw off.

Buoyed by the new found interest in themselves, Bachman-Turner Overdrive has announced a reunion tour entitled, “Going Ape with BTO.”

“We are rock and rollers so we know a lot about the ape lifestyle” said Randy Bachman.  “We are happy to have the apes as fans.  They did rip our drummer’s jaw off but what does a drummer need a jaw for?”

Tickets for BTO’s reunion tour are still available.

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