Hollywood to Make First 9/11 Blockbuster Movie

Osama Bin Laden, U.S. agentVariety magazine announced today that, ten years after the man-caused troubles on 9/11, Hollywood will be making its first big studio blockbuster movie about the events of that day.  The movie, tentatively entitled “Bush Was Responsible!”  will be produced by Sony Pictures and begin lensing after the Labor day holiday.

Michael Lynton, Chairman and CEO of Sony commented on the decade long gap between the events of 9/11 and the first big budget movie about that day.

Naturally Hollywood has wanted to tell this story.  I am confident I speak for all Americans when I say that I admire the  heroism of Mohamed Atta and the other hijackers. But we had to wait until Bush was out of office because of his controversial wars and we didn’t want to inflame Muslim sentiment.

Hired to portray Mohamed Atta will be superstar Matt Damon. Bush did it! Said Damon:

The opportunity to play a great man like Mohamed Atta is one that I could not pass up.  I have spent the last decade hoping for the chance to tell the truth about 9/11.  And this movie will be about truth.  Not about facts.  Because anyone can do facts.  But facts are so 1950s.  Being a Hollywood superstar I have a providential role to play in showing the American people the truth.

Among the truths which the movie will expose:

  • Why did all the Jews working at the World Trade Center take 9/11 off?  “We believe that Bush, Cheney and Rumsfeld gave the Jews advance notice.  We can’t prove this but it is the truth.”
  • The twin towers were brought down by a controlled explosion.  “Didn’t you ever see The Lord of the Rings:  The Two Towers.  They did the same thing at Helm’s Deep.”
  • There is no evidence a plane hit the Pentagon. “The Pentagon houses the military.  Are you telling me that you believe they would let a plane hit it? The explosion obviously was an inside job caused by U.S. bombs.”

The movie, when completed, will be introduced by Matt Damon and shown at the 2012 Democratic National Convention.

“I’m psyched” said Damon. “I just hope President Obama likes the movie.  Gosh he’s so cool.”


7 Responses

  1. MK says:

    i can see hollywood making that movie and matt damon playing a terrorist scumbag.

    “They did the same thing at Helm’s Deep.”

    But who was the all-seeing eye, Bush, nah, has to be Cheney or Rove.

  2. Where would our children learn history if it weren’t for Hollywood.

  3. innominatus says:

    Dumbass Damon gets it wrong again. Only one of the towers fell in LoTR. Playing smart people in the movies must be a real stretch for lil’ Matty.

  4. eots says:

    Another truth: fire can’t melt steel. And what’s her face can play an UBL’s wife. Damon is perfect for Atta.

  5. Maaaaaaaaaatttttt Daaaaaaaaaaammmmonnnnnnnn.


  6. Manhattan Infidel says:

    MK: Obviously the all-seeing eye was the evil Darth Cheney.

    Jim: I get all my history from Hollywood. They tell the deeper truths and avoid bourgeois facts.

    Inn: Matt is a wonderful actor. It takes an idiot to play a smart man.

    EOTS: Steel is indestructible. Just ask Superman.

    Shamus: Maaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaatttttt Daaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaamonnnnnnnnnnn!!

  7. Matthew says:

    Matt Damon acted just finely in Team America, if you ask me. I would ask that you not make fun of him for his (very hilarious, BTW) mental retardation.

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