Yankees Lose; Manhattan Infidel Urges Yankees to Get Rid of A.J. Burnett

“Honestly at one time I thought Babe Ruth was a cartoon character.  I mean I wasn’t born until 1961 and I grew up in Indiana” ~ Don Mattinglythe hallowed halls of Yankee StadiumTonight the Yankees opened up a three-game series against the Los Angeles but not of Los Angeles really of Anaheim but when we say Anaheim people say”whaaaa?” Angels.

The Yankee started A.J. “Headcase couldn’t pitch his way out of a little league game” Burnett (8-9 4.60 ERA) while Los Angeles (cough cough) countered with Dan Haren (12-6 2.81).

The Yankees got on the board in the bottom of the first when Curtis Granderson homered to deep right. 1-0 Yankees after one

And that’s how it stayed unit the top of the sixth when A.J.  “Yeah my wife’s hot and I have tattoos.  What more do Yankee fans want? Victory?” Burnett suffered his obligatory meltdown on the mound.  Former Yankee Bobby Abreu hit a solo home run to right tying the score.  Catcher Jeff Mathis hit a ground rule double over the center field wall that scored Mark Trumbo (which would make an excellent porn name if you ask me) and Maicer Izturis.  Headcase Burnett then completed his meltdown by uncorking a wild pitch allowing Peter Bourjos to score.  Mercifully Burnett was able to get out of the inning.  When he walked the walk of shame back to the dugout the boos were so deafening I thought Carl Pavano was back in town.  (Though to be fair to Pavano he at least has two seasons with winning records the last three years.)  4-1 Angels after six.

But not to fear Yankee fans!  With Burnett safely ensconced in the Yankee locker room the Yankees rallied for three runs in the bottom of the seventh.  Eduardo Nunez singled home Russell Martin and Derek “I have Minka Kelly. Suck it America” Jeter singled home Nunez and Brett Gardner.  4-4 after seven.

David Robertson pitched his usual brilliant 1-2-3 eighth inning leaving the ninth for Mariano Rivera (who had blown a save against Boston Sunday night.) Unfortunately Mariano’s years are catching up to him. He allowed a two-run home run to Bobby Abreu (his second of the game) to allow the Angels to go ahead 6-4.  In the bottom of the ninth the Yankees tried to rally.  With runners on the corner, two out and Mark “Yes, I have no soul.  Sold it to Satan” Teixeira at the plate Angels reliever Jordan Walden faked a throw to third.  Granderson took off from first and was promptly tagged out in a rundown.

Final score:  Angels 6 Yankees 4.  Scott Downs (6-2 1.45 ERA) got the win for the Angels while Mariano Rivera (1-2 2.23) got the loss for the Yankees.

Notes on the game: Paul Simon was in attendance.   His hair was not.

My solution to the A.J. Burnett conundrum:  Since Burnett speaks no Greek I say ship him off to Athens and tell the locals that he is a European Union bureaucrat from Germany and he’s here to “take away all your free stuff.”  Burnett will never be seen again allowing the Yankees to go to their strongest five-man rotation:  Sabathia, Hughes, Colon, Garcia and Nova.

Recommended reading material:  Seutonius, “The Twelve Caesars.”

Best heckle of the game:

I tried, but my heckle of “If it wasn’t for blogging I’d be peaking into your daughter’s bedroom window” just, well, drew unappreciative stares.  And here I thought it was my windowless van that had “Free Candy!‘ written on it that would draw the most attention.

Joba Chamberlain weight gain watch:

As everyone knows Joba Chamberlain (pictured here) Joba Chamberlain loves pizza is out for the season after Tommy John surgery.  While rehabbing at home he ordered four large cheese pizzas, ate them all and, still hungry, ate the delivery boy.  But not to worry.  The delivery boy was a Red Sox fan.

Reader mail:

D.B. of Philadelphia writes, “Eagles will win the NFC East.  Phillies will win the World Series.  Philadelphia has recaptured the title of the best city in the U.S. from New York.”

Pay no attention to D.B.  He was once beaten up by a roadie for Neil Young and he’s never been the same.

L.K. of New Jersey writes, “What’s all this about windowless vans that say ‘Free Candy’?  I have several.”

Well, he does live in New Jersey.

The (in)famous M.B. of Brooklyn writes “At work I like to tell people I don’t like that they are Motherf@#@ c#@#ers.  When they complain I tell them it was nothing personal.  It’s the Tourette Syndrome.”

The (in)famous M.B. of Brooklyn also writes “Since you continue to put words in my mouth I have decided that you must die.  But you are a Yankee fan so I will make your death quick and painless…..just kidding.  Your death will make the deaths  in the Final Destination movies look merciful.”

Wow.  This is the Tourette Syndrome right?

And there you have it readers.  Despite tonight’s loss my record this year stands at a still-impressive 10-1.  My next game is Tuesday August 23rd against the Oakland Athletics.

Go Yankees!



7 Responses

  1. The problem is that the Burnett’s contract is so ridiculous and he’s performed so poorly that nobody will take him off the Yankees hands.

    Not even Greece.

    I generally like Cashman’s moves, but the Burnett signing looks more and more like a panic pick-up.

    Seriously, how can a starting pitcher have a losing record on the New York Yankees? All the Yankees do is score a gazillion runs; their offense alone should be enough for 10-12 wins a year for even the most half-assed starter.

  2. Manhattan Infidel says:

    Shamus: A.J. eh……not one of Cashman’s better moves to say the least.

    Sometimes Cashman’s plan seems to be sign someone so the Red Sox don’t get him.

  3. Manhattan Infidel says:

    …and while we’re on the subject of Cashman deals: While I’m for the most part happy with the Curtis Granderson deal (I don’t think Austin Jackson will ever amount to much) I do wish we still had Ian Kennedy. The man is pitching great for Arizona (14-3 3.20 ERA).

  4. Maybe Austin Jackson will be a spray-hitting speedy outfielder who might crack .300/20HR/80RBIs in a good year. Grandy is better than that right now.

    As for Kennedy, I think you’re right. Cashman bailed out on him too soon. He’d be no worse than Freddy Garcia and far better than Burnett at a much cheaper price.

  5. You guys have a wonderful website intending the following, KIU!

  6. I think you’re right. Cashman bailed out on him too soon. He’d be no worse than Freddy Garcia and far better than Burnett at a much cheaper price.

  7. I just keep on following the blogs on this site, I highly valued this article. Really remarkable! Thank you for sharing this article; I will share this to my friends having this site.

Leave a Reply

Using Gravatars in the comments - get your own and be recognized!

XHTML: These are some of the tags you can use: <a href=""> <b> <blockquote> <code> <em> <i> <strike> <strong>