Rift Between Zombies Augers Well for Beseiged Human Survivors

A very useful signSince the first full-scale zombie outbreak occurred in 2008 the beleaguered human survivors have hunched down behind barricades searching for the best method to overcome their new foes.

It appears that a weapon to defeat the zombies has been discovered:  The rifts in zombie society itself will cause their downfall.

A spokesman at the Headquarters for Human Resistance to Zombies (curiously known by the acronym HOLYSHIT) has reported that zombies seem to be turning upon themselves.

“We’re beginning to see zombies fighting with each other.  Some zombies have sought protection behind our lines.  And as, well, as long as they don’t eat anybody they are welcome.”

The original zombies, discovered in the 1960s were known as the “reanimated” The first wave of zombies and were dead bodies that had come back to life.  The reanimated were slow, clumsy, nonathletic but still to be feared because they were very powerful.

“Kind of like David Ortiz if you think about it” said a spokesman for HOLYSHIT.  “Not that I’m saying Ortiz is a zombie but there is circumstantial evidence.”

The second and more numerable wave of zombies are the “plague-enhanced” zombies.  The plague-enhanced zombies are quick, athletic and are knowledgeable in Microsoft Excel.  They aren’t very powerful and rarely can kill a human by physical force but because of their numbers usually can surround an unlucky human and bore him to death with spreadsheets.  They also look down their noses at the reanimated zombies and consider themselves a superior brand of zombie.

But the latest brand of zombies are perhaps the most to be feared:  The socialist zombies. Worldwide sensation and heart throb Barack Obama

Everyone pretty much hates the socialist zombies.  Zombies tend to be pretty conservative and they resent the socialists spending zombie money that doesn’t exist and saddling their zombie children with entitlement spending and unsupportable debt. We’ve been seeing the first two classes of zombies asking us to help them overthrow the socialist zombies.  We’re more than happy to assist but we don’t tell them that the socialist zombies will destroy themselves under the weight of their own debt.

As to the what will happen after the socialist zombies are defeated and if there is a possibility that humans and zombies can live together, HOLYSHIT has not comment other than to say, “We’ll cross that bridge when we come to it.”

A spokesman for the socialist zombies denies any rift with fellow zombies and blames “reactionary right-wing zombies and humans” for spreading rumors.


5 Responses

  1. Socialist zombies are developing a taste for their own. This will be fun to watch but I don’t recommend allowing children to watch.

  2. Manhattan Infidel says:

    Jim: It should prove interesting to watch. But yes, it’s not for children.

  3. I thought all zombies were socialist.


  4. MK says:

    No matter what species, everyone eventually comes to despise the socialists among them. It’s only logical.

  5. Matt says:

    Actually, the socialist zombies just mill around and wait for handouts from the other zombies.

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