Angry Right-Wing Rhetoric Leads to Violence!

Angry white men, bitter clingers, shoot at King George’s Troops Dateline April 19, 1775.  Ye Olde New York Times.

We here at Ye Olde New York Times have just received dispatches telling of an actual physical outbreak of violence between King George’s troops and angry militia members at Lexington and Concord in the colony of Massachusetts Bay.

We have long feared this moment and place the blame squarely where it belongs:  With the militia of the several colonies.

The angry, anti-government, unchristian rhetoric promulgated by those in the so-called opposition could only lead to further violence.  We here at Ye Old New York Times denounce the Adams’ of Massachusetts Bay and Patrick Henry of Virginia.

We ponder their words and actions and denounce them as traitors to His Most Liberal and Enlightened King George III.  We further ask our readers what sort of people are these in the so-called opposition?  We find that they are small, bitter men, clinging to their guns.

Yes, they cling to their so-called right to bear arms.

For what was the primary reason that the King’s troops marched out of Boston towards Concord?  They had orders to find and destroy guns stored by the Concord Militia.

We ask our readers why an enlightened and free people, protected by the most Liberal and humane government in Europe need to own guns?   There can be only one reason:  Violence!

We at Ye Olde New York Times ask His Majesty King George to respond to this crisis in an energetic fashion.  We ask him to curtail, if not outright prohibit, the private ownership of guns.  We also ask his Majesty to outlaw the militia of the several colonies.

For rights are not absolute. If the so-called right of free assembly and the so-called right to bear arms lead to violence they must be eliminated.  Our government cannot be allowed to become destabilized.  We further add that anything that curtails the power of the State is immoral.

Patrick Henry has famously stated, “Give me liberty or give me death!”

Now that literal and not just figurative death has visited these shores we pray that the Angel of Death visit Mr. Henry and give him what he so desperately deserves!  We also pray that peace be restored to the King’s Dominions.

The Editorial Board of Ye Olde New York Times

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8 Responses

  1. Ol’ Pat Henry was misquoted. He actually said, “Give me liberty or give me debt.”

    Also, Oceania has always been at war with Eastasia.

  2. innominatus says:

    Helen Thomas was barely 20 years old when she wrote that. Something of a child prodigy, no?

  3. Manhattan Infidel says:

    Shamus: Are you implying Ye olde New York Times is an organ of propaganda? Never! They always report only the facts……as the gubmint wants us to know them.

    Inn: She was a child prodigy. She hasn’t even hit her peak yet in this article. Nowhere does she mention that the Jews should get out of Lexington and Concord.

  4. Well, maybe the Ye Old New York Times is right. I mean after all “freedom” is a pretty radical idea, don’t you think?

  5. MK says:

    “Subscribe Ye now and get 20 articles a month for free!”

    Toilet paper that you have to hand coin over for is a better read.

  6. Manhattan Infidel says:

    Jim: Freedom is nothing more than an excuse to disobey our Lords and Masters in the Gubmint.

    MK: How true.

  7. Trestin says:

    They want freedom for who? What about old people who depend on the king? Typical colonial radicals perusing a fantasy that never has and never will actually work.

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