Reeling from the recent tragedy on board the Enterprise when Chief Engineer Geordi La Forge became “too sad” to perform his duties, leading to a warp core breach and the destruction of the ship, Star Fleet has decided to recall all ships counselors.
At Fleet Headquarters in San Francisco, Deanna Troi, counselor for the ill-fated Enterprise was called to testify as to what exactly were her duties and what specific advice she gave crew members.
Star Fleet Investigator: You told Engineer La Forge to take some time off, didn’t you.
Deanna Troi: Yes. Geordi had told me that he felt sad. Very sad. I could sense he felt sad. And that made me sad.
Star Fleet Investigator: And then you went on shore leave?
Deanna Troi: Yes. I felt sad.
Star Fleet Investigator: La Forge called you when you were on leave and told you that there was a warp core breach, didn’t he.
Deanna Troi: Yes. I told him to ignore it. His first responsibility was to himself. I suggested he take a bath, read a Twilight novel and get in touch with his feelings. Then the call got disconnected. I thought maybe he disobeyed my advice and went to fix the warp core.
Star Fleet Investigator: No, the ship blew up.
Deanna Troi: Oh. That makes me sad.
Also of concern to Star Fleet was Counselor Troi’s spotty record of sensing danger.
Star Fleet Investigator: You are a Betazoid, are you not?
Deanna Troi: Yes.
Star Fleet Investigator: So you are an empath? You sense emotions? Danger?
Deanna Troi: Yes
Star Fleet Investigator? So why is it the Enterprise lost so many crew members on Away missions? Why is it you never warned anyone of danger until after they had beamed down to the planet? Tasha Yar died because your shuttle was captured by an alien. Didn’t you sense the alien? Didn’t you sense danger?
Deanna Troi: In my defense I’m only half-Betazoid. So there is a ten-minute lag in sensing emotions and danger.
Star Fleet Investigator: Really?
Deanna Troi: Yes. It’s standard among half-betazoids.
Star Fleet Investigator: Why didn’t you mention this before?
Deanna Troi: I was sad.
The interrogation then broke for lunch as ribs from a local steakhouse were ordered. Star Fleet’s investigator took a few bites, doubled over in pain and vomited.
Deanna Troi: Wait! Don’t eat that. I sense danger! The meat is bad.
Star Fleet Investigator: Thanks for the f#$((% warning! Oh god I think I just puked my intestines up.
Deanna Troi: Vomiting makes me sad. Though I sometimes make myself vomit if I’ve eaten too much.
Counselor Troi has been placed on modified duty and prohibited from giving out advice. Star Fleet has recalled all Betazoid counselors and plans to replace them with Marine Corp Drill sergeants.
“It’s time to go in a new direction” said a top Star Fleet Admiral.
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Marine Corps Drill sergeants are ideal counselors, you will either emerge from a counseling session ready to take on the world, or wanting to jump out the cargo hold.
It is definitely time to go in a new direction.
The Marine Corps solution to any emotional issue: Liquidate the al-Qaeda terrorist with extreme prejudice.
That seems to work.
Might I recommend R. Lee Ermey. He’ll whip them into shape in no time.
Brilliant!
Quoted from and Linked to at:
Still, I’m Sad
TJ: Yes, ideal counselors.
Jim: A new direction for star fleet!
Shamus: can we terminate Counselor Troi’s bra with extreme prejudice?
Matt: R. Lee Emory will whip commander ryker into shape and have him shave his nonregulation facial hair.
BB: thanks for the link. I’ll add you to my blog roll.
Did you hear the news, they finally got that sonofabitch osama. Hats off to those soldiers, they have all our thanks. I’m celebrating today. Well done and thank you America, it is a great day for the west.
Thanks MK.
It’s a great day!!! Good riddance to that piece of shit. No more goats or little boys for that savage. May he rot in hell forever!