Congress Repeals Article 1 Section 9 Clause 8 of Constitution

Why can’t America have inbred royalty?The Congress of  the former Republic of the United States, acting on the overwhelming wishes of the respectable citizens, repealed Article 1 Section 9 Clause 8 of the Constitution.

Said clause, which reads

No title of nobility shall be granted by the United States.  And no person holding any office of profit or trust under them, shall, without the consent of Congress accept any present, Emolument, Office or Title, of any kind whatever, from any King, Prince or foreign state

was deemed, in light of the current historical situation, an embarrassing remnant of 18th Century prejudice.

Indeed, with the major American news networks sending thousands of correspondents to Great Britain, to cover the wedding of Prince William, heir to the throne of Great Britain to  Kate Middleton, America’s obsession and love for all things royal and noble has never before been so open.

Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid (D-NV) told reporters that

I believe our founding fathers erred in getting rid of titles of nobility. As a Democrat, a member of the party of the people, we should have royalty. It’ll go far to helping make political discourse more civil if I am confident that the person on the other side of the aisle shares my sophisticated breeding and pure blue blood. This is not the case when dealing with the unsophisticated.

Senator Reid is among the first branch of Americans to benefit from the repeal and has been granted the title of “First Lord of the Doofus” by Queen Elizabeth.  A clearly excited Reid said “I have no idea where the land of Doofus lies, but I believe it is somewhere near Liverpool.”

Many other member of Congress were also granted titles, including Ted Kennedy who was posthumously granted the title of First Lord of the Submerged and Overturned Oldsmobile.

Senator John Kerry (D-MA) who sponsored the bill to repeal the offending clause of the Constitution said

America would benefit greatly from the introduction of noble titles.  It would, I am sure, make all subjects of this land content to know that their rulers come from an approved bloodline.  We look to England as an example.  My only regret is that Prince William is marrying a commoner.  In my capacity as a Senator from Massachusetts and First Lord of the Wind Surfing Elitists I pledge to bring before Congress a bill prohibiting marriage between our new nobility and those commoners of dubious blood lines.

Senator Kerry’s bill would ban “all those who attended state universities, community colleges, those making less than 200,000 per year and, of course, the Irish” from being eligible of rising to the rank of nobility.

“I can’t stress how important is it that our new royalty not be tainted by commoners or Celtics” said Kerry.



14 Responses

  1. elf says:

    The Irish need not apply. And here I thought you were a Zionist.

    Now I have a better idea, let’s make Bloomberg our Ambassador to the EU Parliament, this will keep him occupied in a setting he’ll feel comfortable in, taking stool samples from all of Europe to test for trans-fats. He can take the UN with him and relocate it in Brussels. Kerry can be our Ambassador for Life to the UN, once they are the f*ck off our soil.

  2. Manhattan Infidel says:

    Elf: Excellent suggestions.

    But more importantly can someone please explain why we should give a rat’s ass about the British royal family? I’m ashamed of how Americans have gone royalty crazy.

  3. The Jungers says:

    I believe its a celebratory thing, same as people being obsessed Hollywood relationships (waste of time in my mind). I’ve come to the conclusion that most people are just retarded and entertained by the dumbest things.

  4. As they say: if you could buy Reid, Kerry and, Obama for what they are worth and sell for what thwy think they are worth, yuo would be vwry rich indeed.

  5. innominatus says:

    Elf, I don’t think we’ve met. But I must say your suggestions are outstanding and should immediately be made the law of the land.

    As to why we care about the wedding, I think it is that we’re all hoping for a catastrophic “wardrobe malfunction.”

  6. Manhattan Infidel says:

    Jim: Interesting point.

    Inn: Elf is a wise person. As to why we “care” about the wedding. Look who controls the press in the U.S. – the Democrats. There has never been a strongman or royal figure that they haven’t drooled over.

  7. Greg says:

    i’d figure Obama would get The First Lord of Doofus… I guess since he can’t find his birth certificate and prove his royal bloodline.

  8. Manhattan Infidel says:

    Excellent point Greg.

  9. “There has never been a strongman or royal figure that they haven’t drooled over.”

    Why the rest of America can’t wrap their pinheads around that, I will never know.

  10. Z says:

    This is hilarious! “Land of Doofus”……..If that isn’t harry Reid’s home town, I don’t know what IS! Really a fun read, thanks.

  11. Matt says:

    “Land of Doofus?” There are many that come from there. Carter, Obama, Clinton, Reid, and so forth. Except for Pelosi, who hails from Botoxia.

  12. Manhattan Infidel says:

    Shamus: Propaganda can be a tricky thing to overcome.

    Z: Thanks for stopping by. You’re always welcome.

    Matt: I drove through the land of botox once. The air pressure in my tires kept increasing until they finally exploded.

  13. Karen Howes says:

    “First Lord Doofus”… aw, I think the repeal might be a good thing, heh…

  14. MK says:

    We too have this wedding fever out here. Quite franking i see no point in the whole thing, such a waste of time and money from what i can see, the throne of great britain is a waste of space, it holds no actual power or influence.

    Just look at what a shithole that place has become all while the queen just sat idly by. I for one will be watching grass grow or some crap like that.

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