Lately as my blog has become more popular (with more than the police I mean) I have pondered  how to make my site of more benefit to my readers.

Having upgraded my software and taking advantage of the latest surveys I am proud to announce the Manhattan Infidel Chat Line.  That’s right.  For only $52.95 a minute anyone who comes to my site will now be able talk online with hot singles looking for action.

The idea came to me while I was doing a random survey of streetwalkers single women I have met.  I found that an overwhelming 85% would enjoy renting a motel room for an hour talking to someone they’ve never met before who visited my blog.  The other 15% were undercover policewomen  obviously lesbians.

I tested the beta version of this new feature last week and despite a few bugs it worked out better than expected as the following transcript shows.

Tuesday 2:51 AM

First male:  Yeah hi.  I’m hot and ready for action.  Any women on this line now?  

Second male:  Hi. 

First male:  What?  Who is this?  Are there any women on line?

Third male:  Hello.  This is Gavin MacLeod. Many of you may remember me as Murray Slaughter on The Mary Tyler Moore Show, Captain Merrill Stubing on the Love Boat or as one of the non important crew members of McHale’s Navy.  I just want to remind my fans that I am appearing in Kenosha Wisconsin’s regional theater production of Oh Calcutta!  Tickets are still available.

Fourth male:  I’ve been on this line for ten minutes and haven’t heard anything hot yet. 

Second Male:  I knew I shouldn’t have given Manhattan Infidel my credit card number.  This smells like a scam.

Manhattan Infidel:  Too late. I have your credit card number and I’m buying the complete Time Life Julia Child DVD collection.

First male:  What?  I knew it.  It’s a f#$_@$g scam! Manhattan Infidel if I ever find you I’m going to kick your ass! You motherf- [click]

Manhattan Infidel:  I’m sorry people I had to disconnect him.  He violated the terms which call for a new civility in discourse.  Hey, Gavin MacLeod?  You sound interesting.  Have you ever danced with the devil in the pale moonlight?

Third male:  Yes.  And tickets are still available.  Come see me and Al Pacino in the starring roles.

Second male:  You know the other guy was right.  This is a f$%@*g scam.  I’m calling the police.  [click]

Third male:  As Gavin MacLeod, union member and respected thespian I must remind you that my credit card number can only be used for pizza, aluminum siding and cocaine.  Come see me.  I’ll be in Kenosha for two more weeks.

Manhattan Infidel:  I got your credit card numbers!!  And I’m maxing them out baby!  I’m mad!  Mad with power I tell you!!  The world is mine!  (Well, except for certain sections of Brooklyn I’m afraid to go to at night.)

Fourth male:  I’m still here.  Any hot women? Is Gavin MacLeod still on the line?

As you can see there are a few kinks to be worked out but having said that I remain very excited about this new feature and the opportunity it presents to interact with my loyal readers.

You must be over 18.  Service not available in New Jersey and the Dominican Republic.  Service not available where prohibited by law.  Gavin MacLeod not available where prohibited by law.

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