It is only the middle of November, yet the Easter Bunny is already feeling the pressure.  For the past couple of years he has watched his market share in the Easter Holiday decline.  Faced with rising costs and declining profit, this year the Bunny has taken the drastic step of hiring nonunion workers to paint his Easter eggs, drawing widespread protests in the process.

Look, do you think I wanted to hire nonunion workers?  I had no choice.  With this new health care overhaul I have to pay more to provide health benefits.  I had to make it up somewhere.  And don’t get me started on the paperwork.  Do you think I like paperwork?  I don’t even have opposable thumbs.

Struggling to modernize his business model and make it more relevant, the Bunny has opened discussions with Santa about a possible merger.

There is overlap and redundancy.  We both provide gifts to children during a holiday season.  It seems silly in this depressed economic climate to be in competition.  So a merger between me and the fat man makes sense.

The new holiday that will replace Christmas and Easter is scheduled for sometime in the middle of February.  So far the only sticking point is in finding a new face for the holiday.

We are trying to find someone who has the chubbiness of Santa combined with my furriness.  We’ve talked to many people about the job.  So far the favorite is Rosie O’Donnell.

Once the face of the proposed new holiday is hired, finding a corporate sponsor will be a priority.  Nike, Snapple and Geico have all shown interest.

I don’t have to tell you that today getting corporate sponsorship is essential if you want to stay in business.

If a sponsor is not found or if talks with Santa break down, the Easter Bunny plans to close up shop and call it a day.

My health has suffered.  All the paint fumes from the eggs you know.  I have my eye on property in Florida.  The kids can go to Hell.

Santa could not be reached for comment regarding the state of the negotiations.

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