Anarchists Organize

Anarchy can conflict with midtermsWearing the mandatory balaclavas and carrying signs that said “Death to Capitalists“, “No Banks!“, “Overthrow the Government” and “We Love Tim Lincecum” anarchists prepared for their annual round of rioting at the G20 Summit.

This year however many of the anarchists still remembered the previous year’s unsuccessful riots.  Said one:

I was so looking forward to last year’s anarchist riots.  The looting and burning was going to be so much fun.  It would send a message to the capitalist pigs.  But unfortunately the G20 summit coincided with my midterms.  I had stay home and study instead because if I don’t get good grades I won’t get that internship at PriceWaterhouseCoopers.

Several other rioters spoke of the chaos surrounding the G20 Summit.

Our message was spot on:  Death to the capitalist pigs!  Overthrow the social order!  And of course the rioting, burning and looting were fun but it didn’t really accomplish much.  If we are going to overthrow the social order and create anarchy, a world without any rules, we’re going to have to create some sort of top-down anarchy organization.  We need to coordinate.  Centralize.  Plan ahead and create an anarchy structure.

Because of their experience at previous summits, several anarchists have banded together to create the Official Anarchists Organization.  Those wishing to join go to the website and create a user name.   Once they are registered they will be asked a series of questions such as “Do you prefer looting smashing or burning?”, “Would you like to kill a cop“, “How to spot a banker pig” and “Do you have any midterms scheduled?”

Based on the answers provided the anarchist will be assigned a role at future riots such as burning, sign holding, creating seven-foot tall paper mache puppets (for the artistically-inclined anarchist) or reserve anarchists (for those who have midterms.)

Many would-be anarchists said they would join and riot but were concerned that there were no health benefits. Accordingly the Official Anarchists Organization now has an HMO with a full dental and vision package.

“This will help tremendously” said one anarchist.  “What if I injure myself overthrowing the government?  I’m not covered by my parents’ insurance anymore.”

Registered anarchists will also be eligible for 10% off purchases at participating anarchy-friendly Starbucks locations.

“Come in for the mocha latte.  Stay for the Revolution” will be Starbucks’ new slogan.

“Total anarchy will happen” said one rioter.  “I’m going to put this on my resume.  It shows potential employers that I have a can do attitude.”


4 Responses

  1. innominatus says:

    Tim Lincecum is the real Great Uniter that Obama has always wished to be. Everybody loves Tim. Well, maybe everybody except Nolan Ryan.

  2. Manhattan Infidel says:

    Inn: Tim Lincecum can heal our ravaged planet. Tim Lincecum can make sea levels recede. Tim Lincecum can make Nolan Ryan shut up.

  3. Matt says:

    All over the free world, defenseless plate glass windows shudder in fear.

  4. Manhattan Infidel says:

    Matt: And so they should shudder with fear. Capitalist pig windows!

Leave a Reply

Using Gravatars in the comments - get your own and be recognized!

XHTML: These are some of the tags you can use: <a href=""> <b> <blockquote> <code> <em> <i> <strike> <strong>