Spock Quits Star Fleet Amid Scandal

It’s the Pon Farr baby.  Let me touch you.Lieutenant Commander Spock has resigned from Star Fleet in wake of a looming sexual harassment scandal.

The trouble for Spock, a respected  and decorated officer with no previous hint of scandal, began a few weeks ago.  Eyewitnesses report that the normally staid, logical and unemotional first officer began to experience violent mood swings.  Said Yeoman Janice Rand:

He kept looking at me.  When I asked him what the problem was he said, “My blood boils.”  Then he said that it had been seven years and it was time for him to mate.  Then without my permission he touched me.  He called it a “Vulcan Mind Meld.”  Some mind meld. He had his hands on my breasts.  He kept saying “My thoughts are your thoughts.”  I saw what was he was thinking.  Jesus.  Whoever thought Vulcans were so into leather?  I kicked him in the groin and told him to take a cold shower.  Then I reported his behavior up the chain of command.

In another shocking incident, Spock nearly decapitated Enterprise Head Nurse Christine Chapel.   States Chapel:

I noticed that he wasn’t eating so I brought him some Vulcan soup.  I just wanted to cheer him up.  Instead he threw the tray at me.  I had to duck to avoid serious injury.  Then he started crying.  He asked me to forgive him.   He kept saying “Come on baby.  It’s the Pon Farr.  You know I love you.”  Whatever.  The jerk.  I can’t believe I used to like him.

A hearing was held at Star Fleet headquarters to determine if there was enough evidence to bring Spock up on charges.  Spock’s  captain, James T. Kirk testified that Spock should be granted leave to go to Vulcan to mate.

I owe him (Spock) my life a dozen times over.  Isn’t that worth a career?  Let me take him to Vulcan.  I’ll have the Enterprise back within a week.  Promise.

Star Fleet was unmoved by Kirk’s testimony, in part because many doubted Kirk’s motives as he was overheard saying that the real reason he wanted to go to Vulcan was to “get me some green-blooded honeys.

A compromise was reached whereby Spock would resign his commission in return for the dropping of all charges.

A Star Fleet spokesman who asked to remain anonymous said:

The whole thing is a tragedy that no one gains by.  Spock was a great officer.  This Pon Farr thing strips Vulcans of their logic.  It must be quite painful for a species as coldly, unemotionally logical like Vulcans, the Irish and mid-level managers to have this happen to them.

As for Spock he plans to move to Greenwich Village and become a folk singer, following in the footsteps of his hero Bob Dylan.

“It is the logical thing to do” said Spock.


8 Responses

  1. Dude, I knew Spock was a hippie folk guy.

    Have you ever seen him jam out on the Vulcan lyre?

    Pon Farr Out, maaaaaaaaaaan.

  2. Manhattan Infidel says:

    CRS: Hey, mister tambourine Vulcan/play a song for me/I’m not sleepy and there is no place I’m going to/hey, mister tambourine Vulcan, play a song for me/in the jingle jangle logical morning I’ll come following you.

  3. innominatus says:

    If it lasts more than four hours, seek medical attention proceed at high warp to Vulcan immediately.

  4. Manhattan Infidel says:

    Inn: Always ask your Vulcan doctor if you are healthy enough for Pon Farr. If you are taking nitrates for chest pain do not go to Vulcan as it may lead to an unsafe drop in blood pressure.

  5. Matt says:

    I can’t wait to see the NASCAR cross promotion for this.

    “They’re expecting stiff competition from the Pon Farr team!”

  6. Manhattan Infidel says:

    Matt: ……and here come the Pon Farr beauties now. Ladies and gentlemen aren’t they beautiful?

  7. Matthew says:

    Spock is a very cold, calculating heart. And I heard he was compared to Obama, too, right?

  8. Manhattan Infidel says:

    Matthew: Does that mean Spock will one day visit Asia and fail to bring home anything of substance?

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