Recent events seem to have confirmed that taking our Constitution and flushing it down a toilet has become the the favorite pastime in Washington D.C.  Not wanting to appear unsophisticated in front of the more liberal citizens of New York City I decided to try my hand at it.

My only previous experience with document flushing was with the Koran and that was a disaster.   My toilet backed up, my shoes got wet and my cat got angry.  I did not feel like repeating that experience so I decided to seek help from experts.  I asked my congresswoman if she had any suggestions.  I am attaching her response in the hopes it will help my readers:

Dear Constituent.  Thank you for your interest in Constitution flushing.  As you are aware Congress recently conducted a rancorous debate involving health care.  Polls showed that the majority of Americans were opposed to our efforts.  Fortunately we bravely decided to ignore the will of the American people.  This disregard for the wishes of those who elected us forms the theoretical basis for Constitution flushing.  Remember also that the Constitution was written by white men of northern European origin to protect their property rights.  The document is silent on social justice and the redistribution of wealth.  Compare our Constitution to Iran, North Korea or Venezuela’s and all Americans should hold their head in shame.

Now onto practical matters:  The mode of flushing.  Many of my fellow congresspeople prefer the ‘all at once’ method of flushing whereby the entire Constitution is shoved into the toilet.  There are advantages to this method not the least of which is a bigger splash.  That is certainly more dramatic.  However your shoes may get wet and if you have a cat she may get angry.

I prefer ripping the Constitution apart and flushing the pages individually.  It takes longer of course but draws out the pleasure.  When flushing I usually start with Article 1 section 8 clause 18 – the necessary and proper clause which states that Congress shall have the power to make all laws which shall be necessary and proper for carrying into execution the foregoing powers.  I’ve found that once that is disposed the rest of the Constitution is so much easier to flush down the toilet.  And your shoes will stay dry.

I hope this was able to help you.  I look forward to ignoring your wishes in the future.

While this is excellent advice I decided to go for the ‘all at once’ method.  My shoes got wet and my cat got angry.  But at least my fellow New Yorkers don’t think I’m unsophisticated anymore.

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