The passage of the health care entitlement package combined with America’s exploding debt has forced the bond credit rating organization Standard and Poor’s to change the U.S credit rating. S&P has announced that henceforth the U.S. debt assessment will be “Pete Best”, the lowest assignable level. Deven Sharma, President of S&P, announced the change today.
The Pete Best level was created after its namesake was fired by the Beatles. Assignment to the Pete Best level officially means the U.S. is rated as “Bankrupt, having a lasting inability to meet payments or will become a mid-level civil servant while your former mates go on to fame and fortune.” This will seriously impede the United States’ efforts to borrow more money to fund future entitlements.
The President of the People’s Republic of China has announced that his country will no longer buy U.S. debt. Hu Jintao, speaking to reporters today said “We have come to the conclusion that we no longer have any chance of being paid back by the United States. We are technically a Communist country but even we know that you can’t keep borrowing. You have to start paying off the debt eventually. Somebody should cut up the U.S. Congress’ credit cards.”
Responding to the news, President Barack Obama today said, “I’m a socialist and as such am unfamiliar with capitalist terminology. Not that such terminology would concern me anyway. I’ve been to Harvard. I’m an expert.”
Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell, (R-KY) told reporters “Our debt rating being reduced to Pete Best level should be a wake up call. We cannot keep spending. We don’t have the money. We cannot even borrow money anymore. If this keeps up the United States will have no future but touring England in a five-piece combo and forever living off the glory of former friends.”
From England, Pete Best had this to say: “Hey, come on. Why is everybody always picking on me?”
The last person assigned the Pete Best credit rating was 11-year old Sean Williams of East Park, Illinois, who borrowed 45 dollars from his parents to build a car for the soap box derby and was unable to pay it back. Mr. Williams is now touring England in a five-piece combo.
(338)
As long as we don’t reach the “Brian Jones” credit rating, Obama says we’re cool.
Technically the Brian Jones credit rating can only be applied after the apocalypse, when all banks have been destroyed. Which, given our current state of borrowing and spending might happen sooner than any of us thought.
Fortunately I have a black belt in zombie fighting.