Appearing on Larry King, Al Gore Blames Global Warming on Chariots

Phaethon rides his father’s chariot and causes global warmingStung by revelations of chicanery in the presentation of anthropogenic global warming data, former Vice President Al Gore is sticking to his guns.  AGW is a scientific fact, says Gore.  The debate is over.

“However, I may have been mistaken on the cause of global warming” says the ever humble Gore.  “After further review of the scientific data I am now convinced that AGW is caused by rogue chariots flying too close to the Sun.”

Gore presented his finding during an appearance on a Larry King show that also featured Balloon Boy’s father and John Edwards’ mistress Rielle Hunter.

“If you look at my PowerPoint presentation it shows that the Earth’s temperature spiked at the same time that Phaethon drove his father’s chariot across the sky.  Let this be a warning to all fathers.  Never let your son drive your chariot or car.  They might end up scorching the Earth and destroying all life or they might get arrested for speeding and drug possession.”

Gore then spent the next half hour explaining the facts behind his chariot hypothesis.

“Phaethon ignored his father Apollo’s words and did not steer a middle course through the sky with his chariot.  The ice caps melted, Eskimos sweated in the heat and the polar bears, my god the poor polar bears drowned.  Mountains, plateaus and plains burst into fire. Fields turned into ashes.  Forests and mountains fed each others flame.  The Sahara, once a beautiful rain forest became an inhospitable desert.  Just look at the graphics on page 12 of my presentation.  What do you see?  The Earth on fire.  It will happen again unless the nations of the Earth pass strict chariot control laws.  This is the only way to stop climate change.  I am confident that President Obama will lead the way.”

King then asked Gore if Balloon Boy’s flight might lead to drastic global warming.

“If he had gotten close enough to the Sun the answer is yes.  He’d have to be shot down before the ice caps melted.”

This brought a sharp response from Balloon Boy’s father.

“For the love of God it is not my son’s fault.  This is just a hoax.  Global warming I mean.  Not my son being unfortunately trapped in a runaway balloon that had the world glued to their TVs while I shopped a new reality show I’m working on.”

Rielle Hunter asked Gore if John Edwards could be contributing to global warming.

“I mean Johnny’s sooooo hot!”

Gore denied it, stating that Edwards’ hotness was most likely a result of global warming and not a contributing factor.

King thanked his three guests and reminded viewers to watch tomorrow night’s show “which will feature North Korean President Kim Jong-il and a reunion of the cast of CPO Sharkey.”


5 Responses

  1. innominatus says:

    >>>hotness was most likely a result of global warming and not a contributing factor

    Would this work on me, too? If so, bring on the GLobal Warming!

  2. admin says:

    I know for a fact that Edwards is a bald midget with bad acne. He appears they way he does because he has friends in Hollywood. It’s all makeup, soft lighting and special effects.

  3. Matt says:

    I have only one question, did the wind whistle as it flowed through Hunter’s head?

  4. Manhattan Infidel says:

    re Hunter: There is no sound in space.

  5. Matt says:

    Thanks for the clarification.

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