The Curse of Rudolph

Rudolph is cursed!It has been 45 years since NBC first aired the now classic Christmas documentary, Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer.  In the intervening years much tragedy has befallen the cast.  Call it fate.  Call it chance.  Some refer to it as “The Curse of Rudolph.”

Many feel that the curse started the night the special aired with the case of Bird Fish from the Island of Misfit Toys.  Bird Fish was a bird that swam instead of flew.  On his visit to the Island of Misfit Toys, Rudolph promised a home for all the toys.

“I thought he was just blowing smoke up my ass” said Bird Fish.  “But then Santa showed up and took me on his sleigh.  I was happy!  I was going to find a home.  We were flying over Georgia when one of the elves grabs me and says ‘here is your new home.’  He then drops me over the side of the sleigh.  I told him, I begged him not to.  I can’t fly I said.  I swim.  But no.  Son of a bitch has to drop me anyway.  I landed on top of a car.  No one found me until morning.”

Since that night Bird Fish has been confined to an iron lung.   “I wish I never met Rudolph.”

King Moonracer was the ruler of the Island of Misfit Toys until Rudolph arrived.

“I was King.  My word was law.  It’s great being King.  My family had ruled the Island for centuries.  It was a hereditary monarchy.  I had everything.  Power, women, luxury like you wouldn’t believe.  Then that son of a bitch Rudolph showed up and took all of my subjects.  The ones that stayed had a rebellion soon after that and deposed me.  That’s how I ended up in Venezuela.  Still I shouldn’t complain.  I have it better than a lot of former rulers.  I play tennis with Hugo and every now and then I get to see Sean Penn.”

The list of those who met tragic fates after the television special goes on.

  • Yukon Cornelius, happy go lucky prospector and intimate of Rudolph was killed in a mine explosion in 1970.  His body has never been recovered.
  • Clarice the Doe, love interest of Rudolph died of pancreatic cancer in 1976.  Many blame the power lines that ran in front of her family’s cave.
  • Hermey the misfit elf committed suicide after his dentist’s license was revoked when he was caught sleeping with his patients.
  • Sam the Snowman, who bore an amazing resemblance to Burl Ives,  retired to Florida shortly after the special.  He tragically melted when his air conditioner malfunctioned.
  • The Bumble (a.k.a. the Abominable Snow Monster of the North) died of a heart attack.  An autopsy revealed severely clogged arteries, no doubt the result of his reindeer diet which was rich in red meat.

But perhaps no one better exemplifies the Curse of Rudolph than Rudolph himself.  After the special aired Rudolph was thrust into the spotlight.

“He had a hard time handling fame” says his father.  “He was just a shy reindeer who liked his privacy.”

Rudolph was unable to follow up on his success after Santa asked him to drive his sleigh and fell into alcohol and drug abuse.  He moved to Hollywood hoping for a second chance but was unable to find any work except for an appearance on The Dating Game.

Severely depressed and deeply in debt the end came for Rudolph on the night of April 12, 1975.  High and brandishing a gun, Rudolph had taken a cleaning woman hostage.  Police surrounded his motel room and asked for his surrender.  Instead Rudolph fired at the police while shouting “Come and take me pigs!”  Police opened fire, cutting Rudolph in two with the fusillade.

“Ironically, his red nose made it much easier for the SWAT team to sight him in their scopes” said one of the police officers present.

With no money for a funeral Rudolph’s body was cremated and his ashes sent to his father in the North Pole.  The ashes never arrived, having been lost in the mail.

“NBC took everything from me.  I blame them for my son’s death” said his still grieving father.


3 Responses

  1. Matt says:

    I’m waiting for Inside Edition to do a full half-hour on this. Sadly, there appears to be no survivors to interview.

  2. admin says:

    Santa is still alive because he’s immortal. But he stopped talking to reporters after text messages sent to his mistresses were leaked to the press.

  3. WOW. Its really pathetic. Is it really true?
    Actually i never heard this story behind all this.
    Thanks for sharing.


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