Kentucky to Change Dueling Provision

The good old days in KentuckyKentucky legislators have announced that they will send to voters in November a provision on the ballot to end a frontier-era constitutional law that required anyone taking the oath of office to swear that they have not fought a duel.

“This law should have come off the books years ago” said the head of the Kentucky House of Representatives, Democrat Greg Stumbo.  “It’s an embarrassing remnant of a long-passed era.”

The proposed change is not without opposition, however.

“The dueling law is important.  It helps promote peace.  The only thing that has kept me from shooting my political enemies is this provision.  If it is repealed it will lead to violence and gunfire in the streets.  The politics of Kentucky would devolve into chaos.  We’d be worse than New York” Kentucky Senate leader, Republican David L. Williams was quoted as saying.

Gun shop owners find themselves firmly behind repeal.

“This has been great for us” said one.  “I’ve seen a 300% increase in business.  My shop is blocks from the Capitol and I’ve had so many legislators buying guns from me.  One said he was preparing for war.”

State Representative Larry Clark of the 46th Congressional District spoke of the changes will cleaning his new firearm.

“These things gotta happen every five years or so, ten years.  Helps to get rid of the bad blood.  You know you have to stop them at the beginning.  Like they should have stopped Hitler at Munich.  They never should have let him get away with that.  They was just asking for trouble.  You know Mike, we was all proud of you being a hero and all.  Your father too.”

Concerned citizens in Kentucky have begun barricading their doors and taking their children out of school.

“I though the zombies were bad enough but elected officials with guns?  If this keeps up I may have to move to someplace safer like New Orleans” said a resident.

Regardless of opposition or consequences, Representative Stumbo expects the new law to pass.

“And once its passed next will be that nonbinding resolution asking the Rolling Stones to rehire Mick Taylor.”

One side effect of the new law is that, if passed, lame duck and scandal-plagued New York Governor David Paterson has expressed interest in moving to Kentucky.

“New York has strict gun laws and I have lots of enemies.  I don’t feel I have to wipe everybody out.  Just my enemies.”



3 Responses

  1. KingShamus says:


    You’ve been hitting the Godfather marathons a lot lately. So have I, homie.

  2. Matt says:

    Dueling and the Godfather…nice mix!

  3. Manhattan Infidel says:

    KS: Wait until Thursday’s post.

    Matt: I”m trying to work in a Godfather and Abbott and Costello mix. Who’s on first? Hyman Roth? Nah, I don’t think it’ll work.

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