Pelosi Releases Children’s Book

House Speaker Nancy Pelosi  talks about CIA liesSpeaker of the House Nancy Pelosi (D-CA) has extended the range of her talents by releasing a children’s book entitled “The Most Ethical Congress Ever.”

 “Being Speaker of the House is an honor” announced Pelosi.  “But having successfully balanced the budget, paid off the debt, stopped global warming, ended the Iraq and Afghanistan wars, brought the real killer of Richard Kimble’s wife to justice, brought universal health care coverage to all, reduced the deficit by increasing spending and helped the Na’vi fight off the Marines, I had time left to write this children’s book.”

The book has already drawn rave reviews, with the New York Times calling it “whimsical, filled with flights of fancy that would make Lewis Carroll proud.”

Pelosi read portions of her book at a library in San Francisco in front of schoolchildren chosen from her home district.  The group included special needs children, children of S&M parents, children of gay parents, children of transgendered parents, children of campaign contributors, and finally, for the sake of diversity a few kids from Republican parents.

The first chapter is called “A Republican Plot.”

My name is C.R.  I am Chairperson of the House Ways and Means Committee

I own a home in the Dominican Republic I do not pay taxes on

No matter what my passport says I’ve neve been to the Dominican Republic

I blame the Republicans.

The second story is called “Bipartisanship.”

Bipartisanship is a big word

I believe in bipartisanship

Bipartisanship is the ship of state

We don’t need any bipartisanship to achieve bipartisanship

I once rode in an elevator with a Republican.  That is bipartisanship

Things get curiouser and curiouser.  Time for reconciliation

It was at this point that a child in the back row raised her hand and said she had to go to the bathroom.  “Mrs. Pelosi I really have to pee!”

“I think that’s a fine thing you have to pee” said Speaker Pelosi.   “It’s a great way to introduce my next story called Reconciliation.”

60 is a great number

60 has disappeared on me

I’ve looked near and far for 60 but cannot find it

Time for the nuclear option

It was after reading this that several more of the children asked if they could go to the bathroom.  A quick headcount found that 57 did not want to go to the bathroom but 43 did.

“I’m sorry children but under the rules of this institution 60 is needed to do anything.  You’re bladders are simply ungovernable.”

The children who wanted to go to the bathroom started to cry.  Speaker Pelosi reprimanded them and said she would have no choice but to call a recess and let the kids urinate.  The 57, dubbed the “Iron-bladdered 57”  then complained that since they do have a majority, albeit not the magical 60, a way must be found for their wishes to prevail.

“Did I hear America call for reconciliation?” asked the Speaker. “Then the rules of reconciliation prevail.  We only need 51 votes now and as such, no bathroom breaks for anybody!”

The children who wanted to urinate, dubbed by the press “The bad children who won’t listen to the will of America”  then proceeded to spontaneously urinate.  A shocked Pelosi was ushered out by security.

Later, as maintenance workers cleaned the urine, one complained that he hasn’t seen so much public urination since they had the cast of Twilight at the library.

“I tell you, no one can let loose a stream of urine quite like a middle aged woman asking a 17 year old boy to take his shirt off.”

Speaker Pelosi blamed the urine outbreak on angry white children and Glenn Beck.



2 Responses

  1. Matt says:

    I think Obama will make this mandatory reading in all public schools…mmm…mmm…mmm!

  2. Manhattan Infidel says:

    Well, it couldn’t be worse than the rest of the multicultural crap they force kids to read in school nowadays.

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