Representative Charlie Rangel (D-NY), Chairman of the House Ways and Means Committee formally requested a leave of absence from his duties. Sending a letter to Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi, Rangel asked that she grant a “leave of absence until such time as the ethics committee completes its work.”
Pelosi responded by thanking Rangel for his “decades of leadership on issues such as healthcare, jobs, social justice and……hey, who stole my cookie jar?”
Pelosi then ordered all cookie jars on Capitol Hill sealed shut.
Rangel had been under investigation for trips to the Caribbean in 2007 and 2008 in violation of House rules. Rangel denies knowing that the trips were corporate-sponsored.
“I swear by the name of Pfizer I did not know about the corporate sponsorship. Did I say Pfizer? I mean IBM. I mean CitiBank. I mean Jesus” said Rangel.
This is just the latest woe for Rangel who is also under fire for allegedly helping himself to snacks on his flights to and from the Caribbean.
“The other passengers started complaining when the free snacks ran out. I didn’t know how they did since we always carry enough. Then I saw Congressman Rangel stuffing his pockets with packets of pretzels and those flavorless, crumbling cookies we give out” complained a flight attendant.
Back in New York Rangel is in hot water over use of his official position to raise money for a college center to be named after him.
“During one of our fund raisers we had a wine and cheese party. Congressman Rangel showed up before anyone else and when we opened the doors the wine and cheese were already gone. I saw him stuffing his pockets with cheese. Oh the power of cheese! He even took the fish tank, some cookie jars and my three year old cocker spaniel Molly” said an official at the college.
Congressman Rangel has also denied owning property in the Dominican Republic or paying taxes on that property even though he has been photographed resting at a beach-front villa in that country, a cookie jar in each hand.
“I swear by AT&T. I mean I swear by Jesus that was not me. Are you sure it wasn’t Morgan Freeman?”
Monitoring events in Heaven, God said, “Well, a leave of absence is probably the best thing for Rangel to do……hey, who took my cookie jar?”
Regardless of the findings of the ethics committee, Rangel is expected to hold onto his seat until the fall elections.
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“Regardless of the findings of the ethics committee, Rangel is expected to hold onto his seat until the fall elections.”
Hahahaa.
Truth, not satire.
I fully expect Chucky Chuckles to hold onto his seat even after his death.
Would Zombie Rangel look or sound much different from non-Corpse Charlie?
“I need brrrrrrrraaaaaaaaaaiiiiiiiins……………to hide my corruption.”
The voters in his district will never know the difference.
Zombie Rangel would have less phlegm rattling around in his throat when he tried to speak.
KS: Those who voted for him have no brains, so he’d have to roam elswewhere.
Inn: Less phlegm. More Botox. ‘Tis the first rule of zombieism.
This is just the latest woe for Rangel who is also under fire for allegedly helping himself to snacks on his flights to and from the Caribbean.
He may be deported for this one.