From the Manhattan Infidel Archives: June 15, 1968, John and Yoko Plant Acorns for Peace

Beatle John Lennon engages in manual labor

Beatle John Lennon and his mistress, Japanese-born avant-garde artist Yoko Ono, today went to Coventry Cathredral to plant acorns for peace.  Lennon, dressed in a white suit,  grabbed a shovel and dug a hole to place the acorns in.

“World peace is very important to me” said Lennon as he continued to dig.  “World Peace.  Love is all you need.”

After digging for awhile Lennon put the shovel down and wiped the sweat from his forehead.

“I’m not used to manual labor.  This is the kind of thing I usually have Ringo do for me but he’s back at my place replacing my septic tank.”

He and Yoko then placed the acorns in the ground.  “This is for peace.  The biggest threat to world peace today is the United States military.  That and squirrels.”

“It is true” added Yoko.  “John and I are concerned that these acorns for peace will be dug up by squirrels and eaten.  That is why after Ringo is finished with John’s septic tank he will camp out here to protect them from the United States military and any squirrels that come along.”

“I love world peace and hate squirrels” said Lennon.  “I’m writing a song now called ‘Happiness is a Warm Gun to Kill Squirrels.’ “

After the acorn-planting ceremony John and Yoko posed for photographs before being driven back to their mansion.  Meanwhile, not far away several squirrels from the Squirrel Liberation Front watched the ceremony and plotted their revenge.

“Why’s Lennon got a bug up his ass about us?” asked one. “A squirrel’s got to eat.”

“Is it what I’m wearing?” wondered another before proudly displaying his “Pete Forever – Ringo Never” T-shirt.

“This just proves the Marxist Dialectic. Don’t worry.  We’ll get those damn acorns” said their leader who goes by the name of Che-Squirrel.  “I know for a fact that Ringo won’t be here to guard them.  He’s going to have an accident.”

Later that night the unattended acorns were in fact stolen.

Arriving back at their mansion after the planting, John and Yoko discovered Ringo on the ground, pinned beneath the septic tank he was attempting to install.  Covered in foul smelling waste Ringo was only able to say, “I think it was a squirrel who did this” and “I’m just happy to be in the band” before losing consciousness.

General Earle Wheeler, Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff of the U.S. military denied responsibility for the theft of the acorns.

“Frankly we have bigger fish to fry.  We’re going after Herman’s Hermits.”

A letter from the Squirrel Liberation Front was delivered to Scotland Yard stating that “The acorns of the world are the communal property of the proletariat.  Bourgeoisie beware.”


Leave a Reply

Using Gravatars in the comments - get your own and be recognized!

XHTML: These are some of the tags you can use: <a href=""> <b> <blockquote> <code> <em> <i> <strike> <strong>