March 22nd, 2028: Former Vice President Al Gore’s Body Recovered from Remote Tennessee Glacier

A glacier in Tennessee is the final resting place of former Vice President Al GoreScientists drilling into a mile-deep remote glacier in the State of Tennessee have discovered what is apparently the body of Al Gore, former Vice President of the United States from 1993-2001.

“Because of the cold the body was well-preserved.  We didn’t know who it was at first”  said a scientist.  “Finally we checked his wallet and the I.D. said it was Al Gore.  Then we had to Google who Al Gore was.”

Al Gore, today mostly forgotten, was at one time a well-known pubic figure, the 45th Vice President of the United States and a proponent of the controversial and discredited theory of anthropogenic global warming.  At the height of his popularity Mr. Gore even won an Oscar for his film ‘An Inconvenient Truth.’  That Oscar was rescinded by the Academy after the record winter of 2011 when 56 inches of snow were dumped on Los Angeles.

Gore’s body was found huddled in the basement with several others.  Two have been identified:  Former teen heartthrob Leonardo Dicaprio and NASA Chief Climate Scientist James Hansen.  Next to the bodies was a sizeable pile of coal.

“We think they were trying to use the coal as a last ditch effort to warm themselves.”

Also recovered was Mr. Gore’s laptop.  Analysis of the computer reveals that in the days before his death Gore had visited many carbon credit websites.  Scientists are still debating exactly what a carbon credit is but many theorize it was either a religious talisman or a Japanese porn star.

In Gore’s hand scientists found a piece of paper with the following written on it:

I believe in global warming

I believe in carbon credits – the only way to prevent global warming

Those who do not buy carbon credits will be judged by the living and the dead

I believe in rising sea levels and the drowning of polar bears

Amen.  Please donate to one of my carbon credit foundations.

“We believe it was a prayer of some sort and have dubbed it the ‘global warming creed.’   Ironically if they had only used a diesel-powered snow blower they would have all survived.”

In related news Tennessee has announced that its economy has grown for a record 60th quarter in a row, due largely to the influx of skiers during the winter months.

“Global cooling has been a boon to our economy” said Tennessee’s Governor.


4 Responses

  1. After the Argentinian family who shot their two little kids then killed themselves over fear of global warming, this very scenario may just happen.

  2. Manhattan Infidel says:

    If Sir Al says it is so it must be so.

  3. Matt says:

    The Goracle has spoken. Then he froze.

  4. Manhattan Infidel says:

    Must be a right-wing conspiracy.

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