Protocol Droid C3PO was killed in a drone strike in the mountains of Afghanistan yesterday, a Department of Defense spokesman has revealed. C3PO, who was traveling as a good-will ambassador was taken out just before dawn during a prescheduled drone attack. “We had good intel that a high value target was at this location, […]

Bedrock resident Barney Rubble was shot dead in front of his son’s school today. “This was a tragic incident” said the Bedrock SWAT commander. But given the recent uneasiness over the Newtown school shooting it is understandable what happened.  My team acted appropriately and within the rules of engagement. While the incident is still under […]

  It has been a rough couple of months for seven time Tour de France champion Lance Armstrong.  First came the USADA (United States Anti-Doping Agency) report about him in October.  Now rumors have leaked out that Mr. Armstrong will admit to cheating.  I am pleased and honored that his first interview since admitting his […]

  In what promises to be groundbreaking in the realm of entertainment, the Walt Disney Company has announced that it has bought all rights to the famous “Zapruder Film” of the JFK assassination. “We were looking for a new property” said Chairman Bob Iger.  “Time was of the essence and we got tired of waiting […]

  Captain Montgomery Scott of Star Fleet in his retirement speech expressed dismay at the direction Star Fleet has taken.  He particularly expressed his disgust at the graphical interface aboard the new star ships. In my day an engineer was looked up to and respected.  Sure the Captain got all the glory but the engineer […]

In what may have far-reaching implications for Christmas and boys and girls everywhere, Rudolph, reindeer with a nose more colorful than Jim J. Bullock, has told Santa that he will not help him deliver toys this Christmas eve. “Now he wants my help? Now?” said an obviously distressed Rudolph. All I ever wanted was to […]

Local policeman Bert the Cop has been ordered to appear before Bedford Falls’ civilian complaint review board following yet another shooting. “On Christmas Eve Bert the Cop did unholster and fire his weapon at a citizen of Bedford Falls” said the mayor. “And if we’re going to have the only cop on the force shooting […]

  Angel Second Class Clarence has informed his superiors that he is “tired of this shit” and will no longer help souls in distress, prompting his suspension by “Heavenly Authority“, the governing body for all angels under the collective bargaining agreement with God. “Go ahead suspend me. See if I care” said Clarence.  “I got […]

  Mary Hatch, spinster lesbian librarian in the town of Bedford Falls has a message for the male ruling class:  She is woman.  Hear her roar! “I’m tired of men looking at me.  Only wanting one thing.  My body is not their property!”  I have a career as a librarian.  What’s wrong with a woman […]

Popular cereal mascot Tony the Tiger mauled a young child during a promotional appearance today in Poughkeepsie, New York. According to reports during a meet and greet session Tony was signing autographs for young children when he began licking one child’s face. “We thought it was cute at first” said the grieving mother.  “I mean, […]