My Exclusive Interview with The Blob!

Blobs just want to have fun!







Today at the Worldwide Headquarters of Manhattan Infidel™ I have the pleasure of interviewing a visitor from another world who goes by the moniker of “The Blob.”

MI:  Good afternoon Blob.

B:  Please, call me Ralph.  That’s my name.  I don’t know why you humans call me The Blob.  Frankly it’s kind of insulting and hurtful.  I am not a blob.  I’m big-boned, that’s all.

MI:  Okay Blob – 

B:  Ralph!

MI:  Sorry.  Ralph.  My readers want to know why Earth?  Why have you come to this planet?

B:  I came to get my freak on.

MI:  What?

B:  Hey, the entire Milky Way knows that Earth girls are easy. Everyone in the Galaxy has been coming here for centuries now, blending in with you and doing the nasty.

MI:  I did not know that.

B:  How else do you explain Canadians?  Come on.  You didn’t think Canadians were human, did you?  It’s so obvious they are from……someplace else.

MI:  Well that explains a lot actually.

B:  Anyway I’m just here to have a good time.  I wish you humans would leave me alone.

MI:  That would be hard with all the death.  You do consume humans. 

Better than a plant-based diet!








B:  Everyone’s got to eat.  And humans are delicious.  So pulpy and fleshy.  I mean yeah, I guess you guys have a right to be upset but what else was I supposed to eat? Do you want me to go on a plant-based diet?  Do I look that stupid?

MI:  No. No you don’t.

B:  And you humans have a lot to answer for as well.  I had just landed on your planet, all dressed up and ready to mingle when some old guy starts poking me with a stick. 

Nasty old man!









How would you like it if somebody started poking your orifices?  You probably wouldn’t tolerate it.

MI:  No I wouldn’t.

B:  So I ate the old bastard.  It was self-defense!

MI:  I guess it was.  It sounds like your visit to Earth has not been as pleasant as you had hoped.  Surely there must be one highlight?

B:  I did get to meet Steve McQueen. 

Steve McQueen is a dangerous killer!








MI:  That must have been exciting.  Did you get his autograph?

B:  No.  There wasn’t enough time.  He immediately started trying to kill me. What is it with you humans?

MI:  I apologize on behalf of my planet.

B:  Eh, no hard feelings.  I guess I’ll forgive you.  Shake on it?

[The Blob grabs Manhattan Infidel’s hand and starts to consume it] 

Never shake hands with the Blob!







MI:  What are you doing?

B: I’m eating your hand.  I know.  I know. I shouldn’t. I feel like such a glutton.  I’ll go to a plant-based diet tomorrow I promise.

MI:  Come on!  We talked about this.  Give me my hand back!

[The Blob spits out Manhattan Infidel’s hand]

B:  Very well you big baby.  Take your hand back. Truth be told it didn’t taste that good anyway. It was kind of dry and crackly.  Have you considered hand lotion?

And so ended my interview with the otherworldly visitor.  You know I shouldn’t be too hard on him.  He did give me good advice about hand lotion.


Leave a Reply

Using Gravatars in the comments - get your own and be recognized!

XHTML: These are some of the tags you can use: <a href=""> <b> <blockquote> <code> <em> <i> <strike> <strong>