My Exclusive Interview with John Fetterman

Fin fed mr glo ah noch nod fid

 

 

 

 

 

With the midterms just weeks away it is my pleasure here at the Worldwide Headquarters of Manhattan Infidel™ to interview none other than the Democratic Senatorial candidate from Pennsylvania John Fetterman.

MI:  Good morning Mr. Fetterman

JF:  No gleep butch modo.

MI:  Um.  Okay.  If you don’t mind may I ask – how is your health?  You recently had a stroke and many people are worried that you are still suffering the after effects of this stroke.  Specifically critics are saying that you have trouble understanding words and engaging in conversation.  How do you respond?

JF:  My bologna has a first name.  Gloop!

MI:  Well I kind of understood that. So you are saying that there are no ill effects from your stroke and you are ready to serve the citizens of Pennsylvania?

JF:  Trenzalore!

MI:  Trenz – what?  Isn’t that where the 11th Doctor Who died and his Tardis was transformed into a tomb?  What has this to do with the needs of the citizens of Pennsylvania?

JF:  Nippy nop noopy dippy dop doopy la la la la lo.

MI:  If you don’t mind me saying so I do believe we are right now witnessing the effects of your stroke.  You seem impaired.

[Joe Biden enters] 

You know…….the thing!

MI:  Ladies and gentleman it’s President Biden.  Pleased to meet you President Biden.  What brings you here?

PJB You know……the thing.

MI:  The what?  Are you referring to the classic sci fi movie? And if so which one? The original or the Kurt Russell one?

PJB:  If you hold near and dear to you that you uh um like to be able to um.

MI:  Okay.

PJB:  Anyway.  We’re ready to get a lot done.  Where am I?

MI:  You’re here.  Talking to Manhattan Infidel.

PJB:  Merfin and Ruthers!

MI:  I……I don’t know what that means.

PJBI’ll lead an effective strategy to mobilize trunalimunumaprzure.

JF:  Trunalimunumaprzure!

[President Biden wanders off, shaking hands with the air.]

MI:  Mr. President.  Mr. President.  Please.  I’m over here.

[Biden leaves the room, still shaking hands with people who aren’t there.]

MI: Well that was unusual.

JF:  Trunalimunumaprzure!

MI: Oh shut up.

[Nancy Pelosi enters] 

I like wine!

NP:  Joe Biden, is committed to ending, to crushing the virus. And having a bill that… America’s initiative, built back better… A vaccine, answer to our prayers!

MI:  What?

NP:  New layers of beurocracy to high speed broadband. Do you have any wine I can drink?

MI:  No.

JF:  Trunalimunumaprzure!

MI:  Shut up!  For god’s sake just shut the hell up. All of you.  That does it. I’m out of here.

JF:  Trunalimunumaprzure!

NP:  Trunalimunumaprzure!

And so ended my interview with, oh the hell with it. If anyone needs me I’ll be down at Fitzgerald’s having a pint.  Or ten.

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