People Magazine Names Smeagol Sexiest Hobbit Alive!

He’s a sexy, bad boy!

 

 

 

 

 

 

In a move that surprised many, People Magazine has named Smeagol “The Sexiest Hobbit Alive!”

“There were of course many candidates for the honor” said People’s editor.

But when we narrowed it down it all came back to Smeagol.  We felt Smeagol had a smoldering sexuality to him that women find irresistible. It must be those sad, expressive eyes.  You just want to hold him.  And then of course take a shower because he smells like raw fish.

When asked why Smeagol beat out the favorites Frodo, Sam, Pippin and Merry, People magazine had this to say:

The others were all too good. They were trying to save the world. They were trying to do the right thing and follow their calling. And that’s just so vanilla. What woman wants a man who does the right thing, provides for her, pays the bills and always come home?  That may have been okay for our parents’ generation but it’s frankly rather boring for us. That’s why Smeagol is so different.  He doesn’t want to save the world. He only wants to eat raw fish and get his precious back. That is so romantic!  Plus there’s an element of danger to him, which is very attractive. When our staff discovered that he killed his cousin we all wanted to be his pen pals.

“We talked to a woman who went on a date with him” added People Magazine.

She said she’s never felt more in danger in her life and that it was such a turn on.  He was rude to the waiters, had a sharp temper and when they brought him cooked fish he went postal and threw it back at them. “I must have raw fishes” he kept screaming. 

Fish should be eaten raw!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

So they brought out a raw fish, still alive and wiggling.  Smeagol killed it by smashing it repeatedly on the table. His date said that while she normally doesn’t like sushi such a masculine display of power turned her on to no end!

Indeed when the Sexiest Hobbit Alive issue hit the newsstands, women were lined around the block to buy a copy.

“I’ve always found Smeagol so sexy” said one woman whose comments were typical of the many woman interviewed.

Frodo was boring and Sam was fat. But Smeagol jumped right out at you!  That bad boy can smash a fish on my table anytime.  Hell, he can smash the fish all over my body if he wants. He’s a freak and you know what?  So am I.

When asked to comment on People Magazine naming him the sexiest hobbit,  Smeagol said that he didn’t understand the award and that the editors of People Magazine were “Stupid, fat hobbitses”

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