Manhattan Infidel Answers All Your Questions About the Worst Week in American History (AKA the “Someone Wants to Harm Our Democratic Masters Week”)

This man is a terrorist. If he were 100 percent white he’d be literally Hitler











Wednesday, June 24, a date which will live in infamy, The natural masters of America, the Democrats, were suddenly and deliberately attacked by the forces of evil (also known as Republicans).

And so began a week of horror unparalleled in American history. Men wept in the street. Women smothered their babies rather than let them live in a world where Republicans kill their Democratic masters. Dogs roamed the city eating carcasses. All this happened because our best and brightest Democrats were put in danger.

Since the suspect, Cesar Sayoc, has been arrested many of my readers have asked me to answer their questions about this matter. We here at the Worldwide Headquarters of Manhattan Infidel™ are more than happy to oblige.

  • Who is Cesar Sayoc?

He is a Republican.

  • Wow.  Do all Republicans want to kill Democrats?

Yes. Republicans naturally resent Democrats since Democrats are smarter and better looking. Republicans are backward looking bitter clingers. It’s only natural one of them snapped and resorted to attempted murder.

  • I heard Cesar Sayoc was Filipino. Wouldn’t that make  him a person of color? And aren’t all peoples of color naturally drawn to the more compassionate agenda of the Democratic party?

It is true he had Filipino blood in him. But he also had Italian blood. And Italians are white. Therefore Republican. Therefore evil.

  • Wait. Italians are white?

Yes. Mostly. Well, the Italians from the respectable northern sections of the country. As for the south and Sicily? Totally not white, those greasy pasta-loving garlic eaters.

  • But wouldn’t that make the so-called respectable northern sections of the country Republican and the south and Sicily Democrat?  I’m confused.

Stay focused. Cesar Sayoc is a Republican who wanted to kill Democrats. That’s all that matters here.

  • Yes. You’re right. I’m sorry. But I wonder if we should technically call him a bomber since none of the so-called bombs exploded. Indeed they didn’t even have detonators.

Are YOU are Republican too?  Perhaps you also want to see Democrats die?

  • No I’m just asking a legitimate question. Also I was wondering how the packages got delivered since the stamps were not even cancelled?

What did I tell you before? Stay focused! Or do you want the Republicans to maintain control of the House of Representatives? This was an attack on the Democratic party. And the Democratic party is the backbone of our Democracy.

  • I thought the Constitution was the backbone of our Democracy?

You’re one of THEM aren’t you? You probably helped Cesar Sayoc make the bombs. You probably enjoy seeing your Democratic masters in danger!

  • First off I don’t recognize the Democrats, or anyone for that matter, as my master. I am a citizen of a free Republic.

Oh my god!  I’ve been triggered!  I feel unsafe!

  • Calm down son you’ll splurt. I just have one last question. It is reported that Sayoc was homeless and living in his van. Did he have a PC and a printer in his van? How did he print out all those stickers plastered all over his van?

That does it. This interview is over!  If you won’t take the danger of evil Republican terrorism directed to our Democratic friends seriously then I cannot help you.  Goodbye!

I hope this answers all your questions, dear readers.



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